Dawning and Resurgence (The Collective, #2)

by K.C. Mills

Witnessing my brother’s happiness fall into place made me realize what little emotions I felt for Sasha were never enough. They would have never been enough to bind us to the marriage of which we were obligated. Had she at least tried, I would have given her all of me. Or as much of me as it was possible to give.

It wasn’t about her. It was about me and who I was as a man. Being faithful was about my commitment to honoring my promise to God. I held onto what little I could control. I was so far removed from being a perfect man that the concept was laughable. I did wrong, sure. But the commitment I made to my wife I could control. I honored her even when she refused to honor me. Tonight, those vows no longer existed and I was celebrating.

She was mine and I was hers, for the evening. Once the sun came up, I would walk away to focus on making sense of what would come next in my life.

Ezekiel Omari. The Ezekiel Omari.

wanted to be respected, cherished, valued, and appreciated. All of which his representative had promised he would deliver.

“I have seen your car. Things don’t define who we are or determine your value. Your car is not a determination of what your standards are. I wouldn’t dare assume that what I think is acceptable is good enough, so I’m asking. Is this okay?”

Period.

This man knew how to handle a woman and I loved being handled.

“You said five. My goal was to take your number and double it. That’s how many times I want to make you cum.”

!!!!!

I had been blessed with one night and now it was time to get back to my life. A life that I had no clue how I was going to navigate moving forward.

“It’s hard to escape the sins of our past, not impossible but also not easy. This one will destroy you if you don’t get a handle on things. I will do what I can. I meant what I said, Devereaux. I like you. We are family in a sense, but no one I love will be touched by this.” At that I walked away. Nothing else needed to be explained.

But great sex with a man you could envision your happily ever after with was suicide when you were certain they would never be anything more than amazing sex.

“I don’t plan to. All a man has of value is his word and I’m giving you mine.”

I need to matter. I refuse to be an accessory to a man whose only interest in being with me is so no one else can be.”

“When a man loves a woman, she’s both his strength and weakness. She holds his fate in her hands. Because she makes him weak, she has the power to destroy him. If she truly loves him, she never will. That’s a beautiful thing and I want that.”

“Since Cress, yeah, it is. My life is pretty fucked up at times. It gets dark as hell and that’s something most people will never understand. She does…” “And I don’t?” “Yeah you do but with her it’s different, Ez. She’s my balance. When I’m spiraling, she grounds me. When I’m second guessing or insecure, she’s my confidence. That shit would normally make me feel inadequate but not with her. She’s more than I could have ever imagined being blessed with, Ez. And you need that too. Your fraud of a marriage didn’t come close to what a real one looks or feels like.”

“I wasn’t who she chose to give her heart to and I want to be chosen. I fucking need that shit. If I do this again, she has to choose me.”

Life was flying by and I desperately wanted to work toward something meaningful and lasting. So I had no interest in casual sex, which was why I was nervous about tonight and the days that would follow.

“Ezekiel is an amazing man who is a protector and loves with everything he has. He’s the one person in this family who is always taking care of everyone else. It would be nice to know someone’s taking care of him. We try but he refuses. In his mind it’s his duty to be everyone’s rock. But always being strong has to be exhausting and very lonely. You’re here for a reason.”

Being around a man like Ezekiel it wasn’t hard to notice the differences between him and Dre’thon, but experiencing them in the same space made those differences so much more notable. Dre’thon fished for attention. He pushed his assertiveness and Ezekiel didn’t have to. The man owned any room he entered, simply by walking into it.

If I want to be with you, I will. Your past doesn’t fucking matter. He does not matter.”

“You’re already my weakness. I pray you can also be my strength,” he said before his mouth captured mine again while the weight of his words washed over me.

Being submissive to the wrong man had cost her years of being unappreciated and had her guards up. In time I would prove she could trust my leadership.

Fear is just as necessary as loving someone. You fear because you care, because you love even if you don’t realize the emotions are there. When you fear life without those important to you, you fight to ensure you never have to experience what that looks or feels like. To that degree, fear and love are very similar, if not the same in relation to meaningful connections.”

“You’re saying fear is just as relevant as being in love.” “They exist in close proximity.” “Are you in fear with me, Ezekiel Omari?” “I am.” “I’m in fear with you too.”