My Minotaur Husband (Stories from New Eden #1)

by Lyonne Riley

The only problem? Theo is huge in more than one way—and

Content Warnings Graphic depictions of sex Use of sex toys Stretching and stuffing Light gore and assault Discussion of parental death and abandonment

I appreciate this. always like a content warning

My friend Maddie went home with two other monsters for a trial marriage—first an incubus, then a shadow demon—just

Maddie there are better options

whenever I get on a Zoom call with Maddie, she seems happy.

ok wait. the world is full of monsters who may want to eat you, but you have zoom and are on a preserve with rules? who's making the laws? paving the roads? running the hospitals? either the monsters are just people now who run stuff of there's other humans running stuff.

As much as I long to see the outside world, to experience all the things we can’t get at New Eden, it’s dangerous to venture out, even with a monster at your side.

it sounds like all the human women are trapped for their safety. this is dystopia.

Once I sat down with a centaur, but all she wanted to talk about was where she got her nails and hooves done, and her favorite hair conditioner.

we stan a bisexual centaur queen ❤️👸💅

Maybe I’m not supposed to get married at all, and I’ll just get old and die on the preserve like Julianne did.

the fuck world is this? if you don't marry a dangerous monster you'll die in a zoo?

Rob is my only close friend on the preserve.

boys in the dystopia zoo also

“I’m not going to marry someone just so I have a bodyguard,” I say, jamming my spade into the dirt. “That’s not fair.”

YES this world is a nightmare

He’s a minotaur who works in construction,

every girls dream

I want someone to spoil. The moment I read the words, I think I want to be that someone.

God don't be that easy

relationship coordinator.

"human wife vendor"

I research everything about minotaurs in the meantime: how they average seven-and-a-half feet tall, not including the horns. How they came from Greece originally,

they CAME from Greece, like, mythologically? or like, they just have lived there and were like "hey I kinda wanna immigrate to queens and start a construction company" what world is this

He’s got on a pair of casual jeans,

"monsters run rampant through the world and Im in a human nature preserve for my own safety. This monster likes Levi's 501 casual fit and dogs"

I always check the reviews before picking something out on Netflix.

"monsters roam the streets so I need to hide in a sanctuary/pick-a-wife depot in this dystopian alternate reality. also, Netflix originals have really gone downhill in quality over the years, I may switch to Prime Video."

All I know is two humans were somehow surviving outside the preserve. They must have feared for the safety of their baby, and that’s why they brought me here.

humans living outside the preserve? are they on the run from the law for not being in HUMAN PRISON????

“I wish I’d been born a monster.” I press my hands between my thighs to still my nervousness. “Being human, I feel helpless. I can’t even live on my own. I can’t go to the movies, or the mall, or see a concert.”

you don't want to be a monster, I suspect you want....whats it called...um...BASIC RIGHTS AND FREEDOM???????

“New Eden is all I know, and that’s only because monsters built it for us.”

lore confirmed

Soon a truck drives up the isolated road that leads to New Eden, the muffler spitting as it approaches. By the looks of it, it’s probably fifteen years old with 250,000 miles. A few exterior parts have been replaced over the years, and what’s left has seen better days.

"I am bring retrieved from the nature preserve that is my prison by a monster who must defend me at all times. Ford still makes the best used trucks though." - dystopian novel probably

and how broad and beefy his shoulders are. Is it tacky of me to think he’s beefy?

sounds racist to a minotaur

So when he’s alone, Theo likes to listen to death metal?

bbs man

I’m pleased that he’s asking me a question about myself. Maybe he does want to get to know me,

I enjoy when my date takes an interest in me as a person, maybe my date wants to date me?

bucket of popcorn with a box of Milk Duds balanced on top. Theo sucks on a Mountain Dew.

"Naga from world of War craft run the movie theater and an ogre was my prison warden. I enjoy milk duds, which are normal and common."

“It’s special. Especially this time.” A warmth washes over me when he says it. I’m special.

God damnit Celeste if you were any easier to impress you'd be wax

We did just spend two hours sitting quietly next to each other in the dark, and I wouldn’t mind some real, quality time getting to know him.

agreed. I've always said movies are a terrible first date

“That’s what I asked for, isn’t it?” he says, gently guiding me to a table with a hand at my lower back. “Someone I could spoil?” That is true, and it’s one of the reasons I chose him. I wanted to feel cared for in whatever relationship I have. “Yes, you did,” I admit. “Then that’s what I’m going to do,” he says firmly. “For as long as you’ll let me.”

Both of our ice creams have liquefied now. For the first time, we’ve been so engaged in talking that everything else has faded into the background.

20 sentences have been said since the ice cream was purchased. I counted. why is ice cream melting already.

“I know a spot with fantastic Indian food.”

good thing the terrible monsters who run the world still appreciate some good Briyani.

dropping me off at what is essentially my parents’ doorstep

you spelled "prison for single humans" incorrectly

“I want you to kiss me.” There, I’ve said it.

there, I've said a statement.

I’ve never felt wanted that way before.

because you are in a PRISON

And there’s always the threat when you get close to a monster that they’ll flip a switch one day and decide you’re dinner. It’s only happened once, as typically it’s creatures who have control of themselves who apply for a human companion, then they’re carefully vetted by the relationship coordinator before they meet us.

holy fuck LORE FINALLY. So wait, the monsters ARE civilized, but may go insane one day and EAT YOU??? and some don't control themselves and yet we still have mediocre Netflix originals and milk duds? is society on the brink of collapsing or is it not? are humans under threat for being outside or are they not? do monsters eat each other? WHAT IS HAPPENING

I don’t think that would be Theo, but we barely know each other. I don’t want to get my hopes up.

you don't want to get your hopes up that Theo WONT EAT YOU??? YOUR STANDARDS ARE UNDER THE EARTHS CRUST

“Let yourself get whisked away,” Maddie tells me. “You’re very whiskable.”

lol

Jeez. This is what happens when you don’t date enough.

because you're in prison. go on

He smells like soap and detergent—he must have just showered and put on some fresh clothes to take me out. It makes me feel like I’m important to him.

I too think it's husband material when a man does basic hygiene for me.

“Have you been to a restaurant before?” he asks, taking the much bigger seat they’ve provided for him on the other side of the table. I shake my head.

never been to a restaurant

Home. The preserve. Now that I’ve been in the outside world—twice now—I find that I don’t want to go back.

"now that I've been out of prison, I don't find I want to return" - woman who does not enjoy the prison lifestyle

There, I’ve said it.

this is becoming this authors catch phrase.

As the human in the situation, I can say “no” any time I want and return to New Eden, no questions asked. I’ll have my own space in the house that’s reserved for me and only me.

I mean I'm glad they respect consent, but it's still a coercive situation

Right. That’s the agreement—I get my own space, and he won’t pressure me to sleep anywhere except my own bed. The trial rules say he can’t come into the room without my permission. Not that he ever would.

ok some rules are in place for when you rent a human from the monster demilitarization zone.

“I want you to feel happy and safe here. Whatever it takes.”

the entire coercive jail situation still bothers me, but Theo genuinely gives good vibes. he doesn't seem like he's trying to take advantage of Celeste in any way.

Saturday morning, Theo takes me to the farmer’s market—a concept I’ve heard about in passing, but never experienced.

wait till she learns what a whole foods is

I can’t help imagining a reanimated corpse taking a bite out of me.

harmful stereotype about animated corpses. not a good look Celeste

It’s only once I’m halfway through my burger that I wonder if I’ve made a huge faux pas. “Is it weird?” I ask meekly. “That I’m eating, um, beef?”

“You’re really cute, Celeste,” he says. I freeze up completely. No one’s said anything like that to me before.

😢

You might even try taking the dogs out." I'm shocked. “But that wouldn't be safe, would it?” I’d be fully vulnerable to any monster wandering around the neighborhood. “Bug and Ramona will keep you safe.”

she has to stay in prison because monstors might kill her unless she has a husband? but then once she's out, turns out dogs are good enough protection. what logic is this

“I don’t mind,” I say, burying my face between his big, soft pectorals. “I kinda like it.” I more than like it, actually. It’s so intoxicating I could probably put my nose in his armpit and enjoy it.

you were impressed before that he bathed for you, and you're impressed when he doesn't. you're easier than an automatic door

I start out with my clit,

I like to start with like a light salad or the soup de jour but whatever

I’ve had sex a few times with other humans at the compound, Rob included. But it was only ever for the sex, meant to blow off some steam and try to quench the thirst.

sorry Rob. I hope your orc wife likes u for more than ur body