Shattered Dreams (Dream, #1)

by Natasha Madison

To the women who dust themselves off and try over and over again.. You are stronger than you think you are. You’re the bad ass!

“Oh my God,” I say, smiling. “Where is she?” I’m ready to go to her. “Charlie,” he says again, and his tone is flat. “I’m so sorry.” It’s then I know my life will never be the same. It’s then I know the pain I feel will stay with me forever. It’s then I know all of my dreams are being shattered. He says two words, and then the blackness gets me. “She’s gone.”

There is no mistake; Charlie Barnes holds me accountable for what happened that night. Little does he know, he’s not the only one. “Hello, Charlie.”

“I don’t know how else to say this.” I stand tall. “But this is my home, and I’m. Not. Fucking. Leaving.”

“Did you fuck him?” I roar out, my head moving toward her, and two things happen at the same time. One, her body shakes in front of me, shaking so much it’s a wonder she’s even standing. At the same time, she turns her head to the side, closing her eyes as if she’s shielding herself from me, as her hands come up to protect her face. The action makes me take a step back, my heart feeling like it’s going to come out of my stomach. “Did you think I was going to hit you?”

I can see the fear written all over her face, and I’m expecting the worst answer. I’m not expecting the answer to knock me right to my core. “Wouldn’t be the first time a man put his hands on me.”

“But just so you know, I died that night also. I’m breathing, but inside I’m dead. There is nothing left for you to destroy.”

“I have a friend I’m going to bring to meet you.” I smile as the tears sting my eyes. “To be honest, I don’t think she’s my friend. At least she shouldn’t be my friend, but I’m going to make her be my friend again.” I chuckle. “That is if she doesn’t leave before then.” The thought of her leaving town makes me grip the reins in my hands tighter. “You’ll like her, she’s pretty, like you. You have the same hair color.” I pet her neck. “She hates me, but you… she’ll love you, and that’s going to be enough for me. If I can get her to smile at you, I’ll take her hating me.” The tear escapes the side of my eye. “I’m going to try,” I vow out loud, “I’m going to try.”

“I’m so sorry. I want to think of other words to say, but there isn’t anything I can say that will erase the hell that I brought down on you.” One of my hands goes up to touch her face. “There is not enough time on this earth that can make up for it, but I’m going to try to show you that I am.”

“You be good with her,” he tells the horse. “She’s special.” My chest tightens at his words as he looks up at me.

“Your home is right here,” he repeats, “right fucking here.” “Once upon a time, I thought it was.” I pick my hand up and wipe away the tear. “I’m not so sure anymore.” “I am,” he declares, his shoulders back. “I’m not sure of a lot of things these days.” His voice comes out shaky. My body gets tight waiting for the rest of his statement, except it’s nothing that I thought it would be. The words that come out of his mouth send me jumping off a cliff, but this time, there is water there to catch me falling and not just an empty black hole. “But I do know that this is where you belong.”

“You can do this.” I smile at her. “You can do anything.” She has to be quite honestly the strongest woman I’ve ever met.

“I want you to stay with me.” His voice is a whisper. “I won’t touch you. I just want to sleep with you in my arms.” I swallow the lump in my throat, knowing I should get up and get out of here. “Just stay with me.”

“If I kiss you, will you kiss me back?” She puts her forehead on mine. “If you kiss me, I don’t think I will ever be able to stop.”

“Oh, I’ll look after her, all right,” I assure her, my eyes on Autumn as she turns her eyes to me. It’s right then and there that I decide the only man who is going to fucking date her is me.

“The only thing a parent can wish for is that their child is healthy and happy.”

the pressure on my chest has been taken off. “I’ll come and visit again soon.” I stand and put my hand on the cold gray marble. “I might even bring her with me.”

“Hey.” I look down at her tombstone. “I guess you’ve been wondering where I’ve been.” I smile as the tears escape my eyes. “Or maybe you haven’t.” I stare at her name engraved in the marble. “I’m in love with her.”

“I want you to know that I will always love you.” I take a deep inhale and exhale. “You’ll always own a piece of my heart. But I’ve learned that just because I love you doesn’t mean I can’t love her. Because, fuck, I do. God, I love her so much.” My heart feels like it’s going to explode. “I fucking love her, and I’m not going to be sorry about that. I’m going to wake up every day thankful that I have her. Thankful I can look at myself in the mirror again. Thankful I don’t have to hide how I felt about you to her. She knows, but it’s time for her to have all of me. She probably won’t take all of me, that’s the kind of person she is. She’ll leave a part of me for you.”

“We’re getting married.” My hands go to my face. “I want you to move in with me, and I want to marry you. I’m not waiting forever either. Meaning, if I could convince you, I would do it tomorrow.” He holds out the ring. “I’m not wasting more time with you not being my wife,” he says softly. “I want to have my ring on your finger. I want your ring on my finger. I want to have babies with you. I want to fight with you for fun.” I laugh since we never, ever fight. It’s a strange thing; maybe it’s because we’ve been friends for so long, but there are no fights. “I want it all, and I want it with you.”