Caution to the Wind (The Fallen Men, #7)

by Giana Darling

So why did I want to? Why did I want to step into the brutal wind of the storm and hold her tight so the shape of her small form would stamp itself on me like a notice of return to sender?

“’S been three years since I lost Kylie,” Wrath said abruptly, jarrin’ me ’cause the man never talked about the lost love of his life. “Seems like a long time and such a fuckin’ short one simultaneously. I can tell you straight up, brother, the only reason I could get up every mornin’ after that was ’cause I knew when I had her, I relished every fuckin’ moment’a lovin’ her. And when she was at risk, I twisted myself into knots tryin’ to protect her. In the end, it wasn’t enough,” he admitted on a broken sigh, lookin’ at his empty hands like they were to blame. “But at least I tried, ya know? Even though you could argue it was stupid to love her when it was so fuckin’ unlikely we’d ever find peace together, I was brave enough to try.”

“Sometimes, sayin’ somethin’s stupid is just a cowardly way outta takin’ a chance on bein’ brave.”

You think I got it in me to love another woman who’s as reckless as they come, who’d martyr herself in a fuckin’ second if it meant savin’ someone she loved, someone she just thought deserved to live more than she did, and she’s got a fuckin’ low opinion of herself, you’re wrong. Maybe it makes me a coward, or maybe it makes me smart. Either way, I don’t got it in me to take that risk. Life’s taught me not to.”

“Yeah, man, okay. My bad. I was wrong. Thought I recognized that look on your face.” “From what?” “From the one I saw in the mirror every time I was around Kylie,” he admitted. “I thought for a second Mei was the love’a your life, but if you don’t feel the full-body fuckin’ compulsion to be with her no matter the madness, then I was wrong.”

her sake, then, you should put a stop to the games you’re playin’,” Wrath murmured. “’Cause I might’a been wrong ’bout the look on your face, but anyone with eyes can see she lives for you, and she’d die for you in a second.”

’Cause even though a part of me didn’t want her in danger, another part was turned on by her competency, and the fact she could ride with us, fight with us, and hold her own.

Nothin’ was goin’ to harm Mei. Not on my watch. Not ever fuckin’ again if I had anythin’ to do with it.

And my girl? She didn’t fuckin’ hesitate, rollin’ outta the car as White Snake shouted in pain, movin’ to cradle the neat round wound pulsin’ blood through his wrist.

“You killed my wife, and you just threatened my woman,”

And when the door to the garage swung open, and Mei walked in as if she had a right to be involved in Fallen business ’cause it was my business and I was hers in a way I realized now I’d always be, it soothed the last of the violence inside me that had me frozen on the sidelines.

His life wasn’t soft or easy, but his affection for Kate was. I got him, ’cause even though our love’d never been romantic, I’d felt the same way about her.

“Axe-Man,” she said, but she said it the way she would say Henning. Like it was made of magic, like it could open doors and move worlds. Like she had unshakeable faith in me and everythin’ I represented. Hearin’ it now grounded me unlike anythin’ else could’ve.

It was an odd moment to realize Mei Zhen’s ironclad hold over me. But somethin’ like love surged through me at those wicked, cruel words. It was the sensation of bein’ seen at your very worst and not bein’ found wantin’. No, it was the exact opposite. It was bein’ seein’ at your worst, on the precipe of burnin’ down the whole world for selfish reasons, and bein’ encouraged to take your fill. No one had ever seen the darkness in me and enjoyed it. Not like Mei.

Mei saw it all, the bad and the ugly, and she still thought I was good. She always had.

Something fundamental shifted in my rib cage, tectonic plates grindin’ painfully to make room for somethin’ new, a mountain range of her unshakeable belief that spanned the entire length of my spine and made it easier to hold up my world.

The whole time there’d been something buzzin’ under my skin. This awareness of Mei that transmuted the physical space between us. There was a Chinese concept of the red thread of fate, a string that connected souls that was unbreakable, one that could stretch through time and distance without falterin’. It was hard not to apply the theory to my relationship with Mei when I’d felt linked to her inextricably, undefinably for years, even after an eight-year separation. I’d never healed around the wound of her absence, I realized now that she was back in my life and lodged under my ribs like a second heart. I’d just learned to breathe through the pain. I hadn’t been in love with her before, but there’d been somethin’ there and I could see that now. This awareness like the thread between us was just beginnin’ to take shape.

She looked like an angel of death, something dangerous and capable, someone whose very kiss might be lethal. And it was. Lethal to my willpower. Destructive to every single wall I’d constructed around my heart over the hard years of my life.

I wanted her to burn me down to ash and raise me up like a phoenix, reborn in the fires of her all-consumin’ love. It was reckless to be loved like that and love like that in return.

And I’d made myself into a calculated man. One based in the head, not the heart or the gut. But for once in my life, I wanted to take a risk for myself. I wanted to be selfish and fuck the consequences...

We were, and always had been, somethin’ more. Partners in crime, at the very least. And we could be more, I thought, if I had the balls to risk it all on Mei one more time.

My heart fuckin’ leapt in my chest, tryin’ to get closer to her. Urgin’ me to wrench her into my arms and smother her smart mouth with mine.

I wasn’t much of a talker, nothin’ like King with his poetry or Nova with his charm. But these words needed to be said. I owed her them...

“Your love language is throwin’ yourself in the face of danger to save your loved ones from somethin’ so slight as a paper cut.”

I was still gettin’ it wrong ’cause I meant that as a compliment.

“I’m tryin’ to give you words, but I’ve never been much good at that. Maybe, you’ll understand what I’m tryin’ to tell you better like this.”

in my mouth, the smoothness of unblemished skin on my palms, satin hair under my fingertips. My senses were filled with her ’til I felt like I was drownin’, six feet beneath the waters lappin’ at the side of the boat. It would’ve been a happy death, submerged in the depths of Mei Zhen Marchand.

I chuckled low and pressed my forehead to hers so those big obsidian eyes took up my entire world view. “I forgive you,” I told her. “In case that wasn’t clear. In case it wasn’t obvious that there’s nothin’ to forgive you for. In case you still needed to hear it.”

I don’t hate you ’cause I love you. Only I wasn’t ready to say those words ’cause I was worried I didn’t know what the fuck they meant anymore. I wanted to be her friend like before. I wanted to be her lover like we were now. But there was somethin’ in me screamin’ for more. Screamin’ for everythin’.

That she’d made a hero outta me that way still burned in me like I’d swallowed starlight right outta the sky.

“You loved me once,” I murmured ’cause the space between us called for sacred whispers. “Can you forgive me now for bein’ a hurt bastard?”

“The memory of what I did to you is like a knife in my chest, and every time I think about what happened, it twists brutally into my heart. I’m ...

“We were never enemies, Rocky. I’ve loved you before, and I was foolin’ myself thinkin’ I ever stopped.”

“I loved you,” I repeated firmly.

“No, not the way I wanted to be loved. Not like loving me was the only choice you ever could have made. Not like it was love me or die for not having me.”

I wasn’t one to give much of my inner self to people unprompted and Mei was the only one determined to break down my walls anyway. It made me feel seen and worthy that she’d always gone to that much effort to know me.

Mei was everywhere in the studio ’cause she was everywhere I looked inside my own head.

Back then, it’d been obvious that the ultimate expression of love and possessiveness would be for me to have her tattooed on my skin like I did with Cleo, Kate, and Lin, but that hadn’t been possible then. I hadn’t remembered that ’til now, and gettin’ ink for her didn’t seem wrong anymore. It seemed almost wrong I didn’t have her inked onto me when she was so clearly a part of my fate in this life.

“Is this enough?” I asked, voice rough with disuse ’cause I wasn’t used to voicin’ the things written in ink on the inside of my chest. “’Cause I haven’t been able to get you outta my head since the moment I saw you again at the hospital. I told you, you got your teeth and claws in me, Rocky. And the fuck of it is, even when I wanted so fuckin’ much to hate you, it was me I hated, for lovin’ you still and for wantin’ you now in this new way that rocks me.”

“You knock the wind outta me, Mei. Every fuckin’ time I lay eyes on you. And I only get it back when we touch, and the relief is a sweet, sharp ache in my goddamn chest.”

“Axe-Man,” she whispered, reachin’ up to clutch my wrists tight, as if she was afraid I’d disappear. “Don’t play games with me. Not when you have to know how long I’ve wanted you just like this.”

“No games,” I swore. “And no promises, either. I don’t got any answers but this. No matter what happens in this life, you mean somethin’ to me. I made the mistake of tryin’ to regret that and the truth is, I ...

But I will always be the Off-White Knight to your Rocky. That’s an oath I’ll swear in blood, and if I ever break it again, I give you leave to kill me by metal, wood, fire, water, or earth.”

Tears glazed Mei’s eyes, catchin’ in those thick lashes. But she didn’t let them fall, my Rocky, ’cause she was a fighter not a crier. Not even now in the safest place there was for her between my arms.

“Gonna show you just how fuckin’ beautiful you are to me. How worthy.” She flinched, and I knew I’d hit home with that word.

Arranged like that, black hair like the halo of a dark angel around her delicate face, I felt my heart come to a complete fuckin’ stop.

She lay there, chest heavin’, tongue trapped between her teeth as I reached for a thick brush and dipped it generously in the red paint. The moment the cool tip touched her skin, she gasped and squirmed. I pinned a palm on her chest and growled, “Be still.”

“Good girl,” I practically purred as I traced the brush down over the inside of her left thigh all the way back to her foot, where I painted her toes one by one ’til they curled. “Be still while I worship you.”

“Be good for me, Rocky, and I’ll take you as close to death as pleasure can get ya.”

“Every inch of you is fuckin’ gorgeous. Inside. Out. Covered in paint. Covered in cum. Covered every day in my ink like a livin’ breathin’ fantasy. All of it, any which way, is mine. You get that, little dragon?”