Pucking Ever After(Jacksonville Rays, #2.5)

by Emily Rath

My spidey senses are officially starting to tingle. He’s being almost too accommodating.

It’s so rare for him to use my name. He says it now, and it hits me like a bolt of electricity straight to my dick. Really unfortunate timing with the way he’s glaring at me. But his voice is all growly and rough, and he’s looking at me like he wants to eat me.

He’s frustrated with me. No…it’s worse. I take in the set of his shoulders, the way he won’t let himself look at me. He’s hurt and he’s hiding it from me. My mind spins as I try to make sense of it.

“Something happened.” I say the words out loud, even if only to myself. “Something happened today,” I say louder. “Didn’t it?” He goes still,

“I remember…fuck, it’s all so fuzzy.” I open my eyes, hoping he can see the sorry look on my face. “Mars, I would never say anything to hurt you. You know that. I’d rip my own fucking throat out first. So, whatever I did—”

We’re just…moving on. Only we’re not moving on. He’s been so distant all day, like we’re polite roommates now instead of two men woven into each other’s souls with iron thread.

First sign of weirdness? I came downstairs and found him in the living room casually wearing a t-shirt. Mars never wears a fucking shirt. I don’t know why, but I took it personally. It’s like he’s hiding from me, like he suddenly feels the need to wear armor around me.

I met him at the coffee maker like I always do, and my hand went out like a robot, expecting him to pass me the peppermint creamer. But the asshole just refilled his own cup and walked away. He walked the fuck away.

She’s looking at me and I feel like an idiot. Why did I come here? Because I’m suddenly feeling insecure and it’s making me crawl out of my fucking skin? Pretty much.

My heart fucking stops. “You said something like, ‘I can’t make him want me.’” Oh, this is so fucking bad.

“And then you pulled him in close and said you want to live inside his skin.” “Oh…shit.”

Tiffany can say what she wants about the unserious nature of confessions made under the influence of happy gas. But Mars and I know the truth. The gas did nothing but lower my towering brick walls. The gas left me exposed and vulnerable, lying there with my heart in my fucking hands.

After five years of this strained mutual silence, Mars finally knows the truth. He knows I meant every word I said.

Fuck, I wanted him to stay last night. I wanted him to hold me. I’ve always wanted Mars. I just don’t know how to have him. It’s the last empty space on the map of our shared lives.

Mars took more the day Tuo was born. He turned to me, heart in his hands, and asked me to give him more. I did. I would have given him fucking everything—shirt off my back, lungs from my chest. I thought it was a new beginning for us.

Mars doesn’t get to run from this and neither do I.

“Mommy, why is Cay-Cay lying?” “That’s a very good question, kitten,” her mom replies, jiggling my kid on her hip.

God, I don’t know how Langley handles two of them. Tess is nightmare enough.

Sweet, gullible, puppy boy Langley.

Langley chuckles, brushing a kiss to her brow, his hand gently stopping Jamie from pulling her hair as he says, “Leave something for the coroner, babe.” Oh shit.

She steps closer, pointing the blinking wand in my face. “If you did something to hurt them or betray their trust, I will bury you in a sea turtle nest!”

For better or worse, Tess Langley is one of us. She shoved her way into our lives shortly after Rachel and wrapped us all around her damn finger. She’s weirdly become a best friend to each of us, giving us all what we need.

In Mars’s case, it’s someone to push him. For Jake, it’s someone to laugh with and plan crazy, extravagant parties. For me, it’s someone to call me on my bullshit.

She knows me. She’ll read through anything I say. So, I tell her the truth. It only takes one word. “Everything.” Tears fill her eyes. “Oh g...

I fall silent as she closes the space between us, taking my hand in hers. “You’ve waited long enough for this, Cay.” I go still, too much a coward to look at her.

She squeezes my hand. “This truth always had to come out. No going back, okay?” I nod, weaving our fingers together.

She steps in closer, her free hand brushing down my arm. “Make him hear you, honey…but make sure you listen too.” I lean forward an...

to the son Mars name...

His armor is firmly in place. Oh…fuck. A muscle twitches in my aching jaw, matched by a twitch somewhere lower. “That’s my shirt,” I say over the sound of the running water.

Mars glances down, one hand smoothing absently over his chest. He’s wearing my old varsity Michigan hockey tee. It’s well-worn, the words faded and the cotton soft. There’s a small hole at the neck. It’s basically the perfect tee. It’s my favorite tee.

The first time I caught Jake wearing it, I fucked him senseless. I made him leave the shirt on the whole time, gripping it with bo...

How can he be so indifferent when I’m over here crawling out of my goddamn skin?

Fuck him, we’re doing this. I square my shoulders at him. “No, because yesterday you heard me say I wanna live inside your skin, and now you’re determined to hide that skin away from me. Well, message received, Mars. Loud and fucking clear.”

“Mars…I was high—” “You were honest! Don’t minimize this, Caleb. Not this, not with me.”

Mars is still shredding me with his iron gaze. “You meant every word you said…didn’t you?”

Slowly, I lift my hands, showing him my surrender. “Just do it, Mars. I can fucking take it, alright? Just say it. Seal this coffin shut so we can both move on and try to salvage what’s left.”

His eyes go wide as he leans away from me. “Jake and Rachel deserve this,” I press, taking a step closer. “They deserve to see us fight to get past this. To do that, you have to say it.” My voice lowers. “I can’t let this go unless I see you say the words.”

He searches my face, his expression unreadable. “I’m confused,” he admits at last. “What is it...

My hands drop to my sides. “Seriously?” How can he be confused? I shake my head in defeat. “J...

“You want me to deny you? You want me to turn you away?” My heart pounds dully in my chest as I nod. Angry resolve simmers und...

“Goddamn it, Mars, you fucking say it.” I shove at his chest with both hands. “Don’t hold back now. Say it to my face. Say you don’t want me.” I push him again.

The sight of him in that goddamn shirt is making me fucking feral. I shove him again and he lashes out with a muttered curse in Finnish, grabbing both my wrists. He tries to pull me closer, his touch gentling. “Caleb—”

“Getoffme—get the fuck off—” I jerk my hands free of his grip, my voice cracking with emotion. “Mars, goddamn it—” I suck in air, hands shaking as I pull away. I’m such a goddamn mess. I take a step back, shoulders heaving as I look up at him. “Come on, man, don’t make me fucking beg.”

We stand in the hallway of the house we share, each holding a lit match, ready to set our life up in flames. Heart racing, I search the lines of his ...

He looks through me…and says nothing. Not a goddamn word. He knows what I need to hear, but he’s not going to say it. He won’t. God help ...

Realization dawns, snatching all the air from my lungs. “Oh—you son of a—are you kidding me?” In my confusion and panic, I shove him again. “Are you fucking k...

He grunts, letting me push at him. He’s such a tree, he hardly even shifts his weight. “How fucking long—” “Caleb—stop—” He breaks his st...

I stumble back and he grabs me by the shoulders, turning me and forcing me up aga...

The picture frames rattle as my body meets resistance. We grapple until he has me by the upper arms, pressing me to the wall. We’re both panting, chests heaving. His lips are parted, ...

“Just tell me,” I say again, my voice desperate. “How fucking long, Mars?” His grip softens on my wrists. “How long what?” I hold his...