The Wide Window (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #3)

by Lemony Snicket

Damocles Dock,

Fickle Ferry,

Lake Lachrymose

Mr. Poe was kindhearted, but it is not enough in this world to be kindhearted, particularly if you are responsible for keeping children out of danger.

Although I don’t imagine anything will go wrong this time.”

Sure Jan.

There was a terrible-looking restaurant called the Anxious Clown,

Ha!

I never turn on the radiator, because I am frightened that it might explode,

the welcome mat—which, Aunt Josephine explained, could cause someone to trip and break their neck—to the sofa in the living room, which she said could fall over at any time and crush them flat.

Grammar is the greatest joy in life, don’t you find?”

When you open this door, just push on the wood here. Never use the doorknob. I’m always afraid that it will shatter into a million pieces and that one of them will hit my eye.”

“Normally, of course,” Aunt Josephine said, “‘soup’s on’ is an idiomatic expression that has nothing to do with soup. It simply means that dinner is ready.

“I never cook anything hot because I’m afraid of turning the stove on. It might burst into flames.

He was my best friend, my partner in grammar, and the only person I knew who could whistle with crackers in his mouth.”

I grew up on its shores. I used to swim in it every day. I knew which beaches were sandy and which were rocky. I knew all the islands in the middle of its waters and all the caves alongside its shore. Lake Lachrymose felt like a friend to me.

“The Lachrymose Leeches,” Aunt Josephine said, “are quite different from regular leeches. They each have six rows of very sharp teeth, and one very sharp nose—they can smell even the smallest bit of food from far, far away. The Lachrymose Leeches are usually quite harmless, preying only on small fish. But if they smell food on a human they will swarm around him and—and

“Oh, I could never sell this house,” Aunt Josephine said. “I’m terrified of realtors.”

lemon meringue pie is delicious and has never hurt a soul.

it is hard to concentrate on somebody else being eaten by a bear when you are staring at your own ugly pimple.

Count Olaf certainly does sound evil. Imagine forcing children to stand near a stove!”

Imagine that!

“Why, my mother-in-law had not only one eyebrow, but also only one ear.”

In order to escape from the castle of an enemy of mine, I once had cards printed that said I was an admiral in the French navy.

Just because something is typed—whether it is typed on a business card or typed in a newspaper or book—this does not mean that it is true.

I wish more people understood this.

Violet was afraid that she was calling out Aunt Josephine’s name when her aunt could no longer hear it.

Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.

It was as if the disastrous fire that took the lives of their parents had been the beginning of a trap, and they hadn’t even known it.

Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.

the Anxious Clown

How'd they hear of my real name?

If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.

The precise reason I don't do that

There are few sights sadder than a ruined book,

A library is normally a very good place to work in the afternoon, but not if its window has been smashed and there is a hurricane approaching.

Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it might be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it.

Brobdingnagian—a word which here means “unbelievably husky”—that

The good people who are publishing this book have a concern that they have expressed to me. The concern is that readers like yourself will read my history of the Baudelaire orphans and attempt to imitate some of the things they do.

phantasmagorical—the word “phantasmagorical” here means “all the creepy, scary words you can think of put together”—place.

Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated.

The leeches had divided up into two teams, which is good news for playing kickball but bad news if you are being attacked.

It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.

“The Great” was something that he forced people to call him, by bringing a bunch of soldiers into their land and proclaiming himself king.

“And arson,” Count Olaf piped up.

The moral of World War One is “Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”

To have each other in the midst of their unfortunate lives felt like having a sailboat in the middle of a hurricane, and to the Baudelaire orphans this felt very fortunate indeed.