The Wide Window (A Series of Unfortunate Events, #3)

by Lemony Snicket

Mr. Poe was kindhearted, but it is not enough in this world to be kindhearted, particularly if you are responsible for keeping children out of danger.

I never turn on the radiator, because I am frightened that it might explode,

Real

“Oh, I could never sell this house,” Aunt Josephine said. “I’m terrified of realtors.”

I can’t believe you would dare to disagree with a man who has eye problems.”

Oftentimes, when people are miserable, they will want to make other people miserable, too. But it never helps.

Tears are curious things, for like earthquakes or puppet shows they can occur at any time, without any warning and without any good reason.

Like most restaurants filled with neon lights and balloons, the Anxious Clown served terrible food.

If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats.

But even so, the three children were eager to leave the Anxious Clown, and not just because the garish restaurant—the word “garish” here means “filled with balloons, neon lights, and obnoxious waiters”—was filled with balloons, neon lights, and obnoxious waiters.

I have seen a series of corridors built entirely out of human skulls.

City of bones reference

Stealing, of course, is a crime, and a very impolite thing to do. But like most impolite things, it is excusable under certain circumstances. Stealing is not excusable if, for instance, you are in a museum and you decide that a certain painting would look better in your house, and you simply grab the painting and take it there. But if you were very, very hungry, and you had no way of obtaining money, it might be excusable to grab the painting, take it to your house, and eat it.

They understood that Aunt Josephine was more concerned with grammatical mistakes than with saving the lives of the three children.

Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated. Frustrated babies tend to throw food and make a mess. Frustrated citizens tend to execute kings and queens and make a democracy. And frustrated moths tend to bang up against lightbulbs and make light fixtures all dusty.

It is very easy to say that the important thing is to try your best, but if you are in real trouble the most important thing is not trying your best, but getting to safety.

If you don’t care about something, one way to demonstrate your feelings is to say the word and then repeat the word with the letters S-C-H-M replacing the real first letters.

“My leg!” Count Olaf cried, in a voice of false joy. “My leg has grown back! It’s amazing! It’s wonderful! It’s a medical miracle!”

The Lake Lachrymose Police Department will be happy to capture a known criminal wanted for fraud, murder, and the endangerment of children.” “And arson,”

The moral of “The Three Bears,” for instance, is “Never break into someone else’s house.” The moral of “Snow White” is “Never eat apples.” The moral of World War One is “Never assassinate Archduke Ferdinand.”