Savage Hearts (Queens & Monsters, #3)

by J.T. Geissinger

I never would have taken her if I’d known she’d be this much trouble. She’s upended everything. My entire life has been turned upside down by a tiny demon waif with a mouth as big as her balls. She isn’t afraid of me. She thinks I’m her friend. She thanks me for everything, when she should be screaming at me in rage or terror. I don’t understand any of it.

Three hours later, I’m at the Lenin Hotel in Moscow, watching Spider at the bar. He’s staring down into his drink, ignoring the buxom woman to his left who keeps trying to get his attention. Several other women at nearby tables keep glancing in his direction as well, but he seems oblivious to them all. He’s preoccupied. Swirling his whiskey. Lost in thought. I know what he’s thinking about. Rather, who. The demon waif has an annoying way of holding a man’s attention hostage.

We stand like that, elbows locked, weapons loaded, ready to blow each other’s heads off, until he says through gritted teeth, “She’s alive?” “Yes. No thanks to you.” “Where are you keeping her?” “Don’t waste my time with stupid questions.” “I should fucking kill you!” “Probably. But if you do, she’ll starve to death. Alone. Is that really what you want?”

“She likes you, you know.” Taken off guard by that, Spider blinks. “What?” “It’s the only reason you’re not dead right now. She asked me not to kill you. Even after you put a bullet in her gut, she still said you were her friend. It’s really something else, when you think about it. Personally, if I’d lost a kidney, a spleen, and two liters of blood, my mood would be a little less forgiving.”

“Last chance. No apology you want me to pass along?” “Give her to me. She’s nothing to you!” “No sincere words about how sorry you are that you almost killed her?” “It was an accident! It should’ve been you!” “But it wasn’t. You shot her. Now she’s mine. I can see you’re having a hard time with both those things, which is good. You deserve to suffer. And I applaud your tenacity, but if you don’t leave Moscow within twelve hours, you’ll be buried here.”

“Why are you in bed with me if you’re not, um … you know.” He says deliberately into my ear, “Going to fuck you?” I squeeze my eyes shut. My toes curl involuntarily. His laugh is low and pleased. “I’m in bed with you because it’s comfortable. Because I like lying next to you. Because I want to be here.”

“I don’t think this was Declan’s doing. I think it was his own decision. And I think there’s a lot more than guilt motivating him.” “My head is spinning. What are you saying?” “I’m saying why the fuck are you not begging me to take you to Spider right now and let him take you home? He’s your friend, according to you. I suspect he wants to be much more than that. He’s from your world. He’s part of your family. He cares for you. Yet here you sit, with me. Why?”

His voice rises. “You’re nothing but a means to an end. You’re part of my plan. This”—he waves a hand between us—“isn’t anything. It’s nothing. You mean zero to me.” I look down at my hands, then back up at him. I say quietly, “Okay.” His temper snaps. He shouts, “Why do you keep agreeing with me?” “Because we both know you’re full of shit, so arguing would be pointless.”

But then there’s a deafening roar. Something warm and wet splatters over my face. And I’m dragged out from under the motionless bear by my arm. Mal drops his shotgun, falls to his knees on the ground beside me, and starts ripping at my clothing. “Where are you hurt?” he shouts, clawing at my shirt with shaking hands. “Riley! Talk to me! Where are you hurt, baby?” I’ve never seen him like this. His eyes are wild. His face is white. He looks completely unhinged. Like a totally different person. A terrified person. Not at all like a man who thinks I’m nothing to him but a means to an end.

Because he was there. Because, once again, Mal saved my life. I reach up and touch his face. He freezes, staring down at me. Breathing hard, his eyes frenzied, he looks at me like he can never look away. My voice is faint but surprisingly calm. “I’m not hurt. I’m okay, Mal. I’m okay.”

Then he’s cradling my head in his hands and kissing me desperately all over my face as I laugh breathlessly, staggered by the force of his emotion. That wasn’t just a kiss. It was an opened door into his soul.

“Say it again,” he demands. “Tell me again, baby. Tell me.” “I’m okay. I’m not hurt. I’m right here, and I’m okay.”

“Malyutka. My little bird. My sweet angel. What have you done to me?” His voice is raw, choked with emotion. His eyes are filled with anguish.

When his breathing finally slows, he lifts his head and gazes into my eyes. He lets me see everything. The darkness. The wreckage. The longing. The need. The loneliness that matches mine exactly.

He washes himself as an afterthought, turns off the water and dries us both with the same towel, then carries me to bed. “I’ll forget how to walk,” I murmur, my head resting against his strong shoulder. “If you don’t want to, you’ll never have to walk anywhere again.” My chest expands. My insides turn squishy. He means I wouldn’t have to walk because he’d gladly carry me.

He squeezes my hip, snuggling me closer. “You made me want to rescue you. To take care of you. I had no idea you were a dragon in disguise, like that tattoo hidden under your hair on the nape of your neck.”

“Because this is my sanctuary. The only things I keep here are ones I can’t be without.”

He cups my jaw in his hand, turns my face up to his, and tenderly kisses me. “Tell me I didn’t hurt you. I’ll never forgive myself if I did.” I know he isn’t talking about his hideous nickname for me. I gaze into his beautiful eyes, smiling. “Only in the best way.”

The man with no past and no future who comes from nowhere and lights a girl’s heart on fire with only the force of his pale green eyes.

“I don’t care about your sister.” “But you care about me. And I care about her. You can’t drop a stone in the water without causing ripples. Everything you do has an effect on something else. Someone else.”

“What do you think will happen the day I find out you killed Declan? Do you think we’ll be lying here like this after that? Do you think nothing between us will change?” He says flatly, “Now you’re blackmailing me.” “I’m asking you to consider if there isn’t some other way.” “Of course there’s no other way!”

know that if Declan O’Donnell could see you now, he wouldn’t be worried. Neither would your sister. They wouldn’t like the situation, obviously, because of who I am. But they’d know you were safe. They’d know you were happy, wouldn’t they, Riley?” His tone drips acid. He wants it to burn, and holy hell, it does. Leave it to a man to take something beautiful and crush it in his fist. I roll off his chest, muttering, “Fuck you.”

“You could be the one who ends it.” “He murdered my brother!” “And I took a bullet for you. I could’ve died.” “You didn’t.” “No, because you saved me. Do you know why?” He growls, “Don’t fucking say it.” “Because you’re good. Deep down inside, you’re a good man.”

“This is my life. This is who I am. Don’t go making up pretty lies to tell yourself. To make yourself feel better that you fucked a killer.” “I hate you right now.” “You should hate me. I’m not good. I’ll never be good. I told you once that I’m the worst man you’ll ever meet, and that was the truth, malyutka. Like it or not, it was the truth.”

She’s the most powerful magnet, pulling me home. From the moment I left, I’ve thought of nothing else. Through car rides and plane flights and meetings, while driving an ice pick through a man’s skull. Her face was in front of my eyes the whole time. Hovering there. Haunting me. That’s what I feel like. Haunted. She’s a ghost who’s moved inside my head and won’t leave.

What started as revenge has turned into something far more dangerous. Something that will probably end me. The worst part is, I don’t even care. She came into my life at the moment when I thought I had nothing left, and filled every dark, empty space with sunshine. Stupid, bright, horrible sunshine, which I fucking hate. Except I don’t anymore.

I drop the bag, cross the room, fall to my knees next to the bed, and pull her into my arms. I bury my face in her neck and groan. She hugs me back hard, trembling. We stay like that as the rain grows louder, peppering the windows, drumming a plaintive song against the roof. “I missed you.” It’s barely a whisper, but it makes my soul burn. “I know.” “Please don’t leave me alone again.” “I won’t.” “You’ll take me with you when you need to go to the city?” “Yes. I can’t stand it, either.”

He rolls to his back, drags me on top of his body, holds my hair back from my face, and looks into my eyes. “All right,” he says, voice gruff. “Here it is. You make me wish I’d lived a different life. You make me wish I could go back in time and start over again. You make me think the world isn’t a shitty place after all, that goodness exists and happiness isn’t make-believe and true love is possible. You make me believe in miracles, Riley Rose. When I’m with you, I feel like my life hasn’t been such a waste.”

I exhale and close my eyes. With my cheek resting against his chest, I say, “It’s just … weird.” “Keep going.” “This place. Those frozen dinners. It’s beautiful, but everything is very cold here.” “I’ll keep you warm.” He takes my jaw in his hand, tilts my head up, and kisses me. This is a different kiss than in the elevator. It’s deeper, more emotional, and ten times as hot. I cling to him, trembling, as his tongue sweeps against mine and his mouth turns my body to liquid fire.

“He saved my life. Twice. And yes, technically he did kidnap me, but I haven’t asked him to take me home. I think if I did, he would, but I don’t want to ask him to. I actually, um … sort of … have feelings for him.”

“Mal is the most generous, competent, intelligent, self-disciplined, wonderful man I’ve ever met. He kills people for a living, but nobody’s perfect. And before you ask, yes, he told me how he came to be in your employ. He also told me he’s not going to stop working for you, even though his whole family is now dead and he doesn’t have anybody to protect anymore. So he’s also loyal to a fault. So please don’t insinuate that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about when I say I have feelings for him, because I do. Because he’s worth it!”

“You’re welcome. It was nice to meet you, too. And thank you for not being upset with my bad manners.” His smile is small and mysterious. “Those bad manners will serve you well in the future. Empires aren’t run by the meek.” It sounds eerily like a prophecy. Like he knows something about me that I don’t.

He says gruffly, “You told the king of the Bratva that you have feelings for me.” I’m too dizzy to know if that’s praise or a rebuke, so I shake my head wordlessly. “Yes, you fucking did. Said it to his face, in front of all his captains. Said it in a fuck-you tone that would’ve gotten anyone else killed.” He kisses me again, devouring my mouth.

Fisting a hand in my hair, he pulls my head down and rasps, “You said I was generous. Wonderful. Loyal.” He crushes his mouth to mine and drinks deep from it until I’m whimpering. Then he turns his mouth to my ear and growls, “You fucking defended me.” I say breathlessly, “I can’t tell if you’re mad or happy about that.” He flexes his hips, grinding his erection against me. His answer comes through gritted teeth. “Oh, baby, I’m gonna show you exactly how I feel about it.”

I can honestly say I don’t care about anything anymore. Except him. Us. This dark and powerful thing we have together that feels as final as death.

“Riley Rose,” he says gruffly, stroking the head of his cock back and forth through my wet folds. “My beautiful obsession. This monster belongs to you, sweet girl. I’m tied up in chains at your feet.”

“Ty moya. Ty moya. Ty moya, dorogoya.” Cradled in his arms and spread open around his cock, I orgasm so hard, I’m overcome with emotion. I start to weep. “I know,” he whispers. “Oh, fuck, baby, I fucking know.”

No matter how crazy or wrong this might be, I’m all in. All I can do now is hold on and ride this roller coaster until the end, wherever it might take us.

“My mouthy little captive.” I wrap my arms around his back, shivering in delight at the feel of his big, strong body against mine. “Your wrinkled gray tissue someone left in their pocket too long.” “My stubborn fighter.” “Your homeless deer mouse with the tiny fang-like tusks.” “My world.” It’s said in a murmur as he gazes deep into my eyes with a look of adoration. I swallow, my heart beating faster. “Can I say something now?” “No.”

With slow, precise enunciation, he replies, “Why is that so important to you?” “Mal, look at me.” He clenches his jaw instead. “Come on. Just for a sec.” He draws an exaggerated breath, exhales, then glances in my direction. As soon as our eyes meet, I say softly, “I don’t have feelings for him. I never did. I promise you. But I liked him, and he was really nice to me. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. Okay?”

For the first time, I’m happy, whole, and completely at peace. I feel like I was wandering lost in a wilderness, but now I’ve been found. I want to live in the cabin in the woods forever. Until the day Mal goes into town to restock supplies and everything falls to pieces. I should’ve known something so beautiful was too good to last.

There’s only one way I can protect her now. Open her cage door, and let her fly away.

I knew this day would come, one way or the other. I’m still not prepared for it. But the fact remains, a girl like Riley doesn’t belong with a man like me. A man with my life and all the horror that comes with it. Everyone knows the dragon doesn’t get the princess in the end. The dragon doesn’t save the day. That’s what white knights are for.

I throw the axe to the ground and blow out a hard breath. I tilt my head back, close my eyes, and stand motionless, just breathing, until I know my voice will sound steady. Then I fish my cell from my pocket and dial the Lenin Hotel in Moscow. When a woman at the front desk picks up, I tell her to connect me to room number 427. Then I wait, heartbroken and sick to my stomach, for Spider to answer the phone.

That night, he fucks me with such intensity, it frightens me. We lie in the dark afterward, silent and sweaty, limbs entangled. His heart pounds underneath my cheek. I want to say something, but I don’t know what, so I keep quiet and let him hold me in his strong arms.

“Let me ask you a question, malyutka. If you had a choice between keeping something precious to you safe, but safety would mean letting it go forever, or keeping it in constant danger, but having it close to you, which would you choose?” “Hypothetically?” “Yes.” “Like if it was you?” He braces an arm against the wall, bows his head, and nods. His demeanor scares me. I know this isn’t a simple hypothetical question. He’s weighing a choice, and it has to do with me. I say firmly, “I’d keep it in constant danger.” His laugh is low and mirthless. “No, you wouldn’t. You’re not that selfish.” “Yes, I am. I am.”

cross to him and hug him, wrapping my arms around his back and burying my face in his chest. My words are muffled by his shirt. “When we get back, will you promise to talk to me?” He draws a deep, slow breath. When he exhales, he whispers, “I promise.” I don’t understand why it sounds so anguished.

Mal steps out of the store. He stands motionless, staring at me with anguished eyes as I scream his name over and over and pound my fists on the windows. I’m still screaming long after he’s out of sight.

“She didn’t appear to be hurt.” I hesitate, not wanting to fan the flames. “But he did say she was hysterical.” Sloane lifts her head and stares at me with watery red eyes. “Well, no wonder! After what she must’ve been through, she’s hysterical with relief, the poor baby! She’s dying to come home!” That wasn’t exactly the way Spider put it, but I’ll hold off on that. I need to set eyes on Riley myself to judge her condition.

“You killed his brother. His last living relative. A person he loved and protected his entire life. So yes, he came here to get revenge, but he didn’t. Can you guess why?” When nobody says anything, her voice rises. “The reason is standing right in front of you. I asked him not to kill you, you and Spider both, and he didn’t, because he didn’t want to fucking disappoint me. So you’re welcome for saving your lives. Now get me on a plane back to Russia!”