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“Lass!” “Please stop shouting at me. I’m having a minor breakdown is all. Last week, I was living my nice quiet life in my nice quiet apartment in San Francisco. Since then, I’ve discovered that my sister is getting married to the head of the Irish Mob, and that I caught the eye of a notorious Russian assassin whose hobbies include stalking, appearing out of thin air, making wildly incorrect assumptions about people based on their wardrobes, and handing out large quantities of cash to strangers in restrooms. He’s also on a mission to kill my future brother-in-law. It’s been an eventful few
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you can never drink alcohol again.” I close my eyes and groan. “I think I’d rather be dead.” “Look on the bright side.” “There is no bright side!” “Think of all the money you’ll save. And you’ll never have another hangover.”
I start to panic all over again. “You’re leaving me here alone? What if I die while you’re gone?” “Then I suppose I’ll have some digging to do when I get back.” My mouth drops open. “Okay, that was just mean.” I can tell he’s trying not to smile. “Would you prefer cremation? I can arrange a funeral pyre for you, if you like.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and chant, “Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.” “You’re not dreaming.” “This has to be a dream. There’s no universe in which this can possibly be real.” He exhales in impatience. “Don’t be dramatic. Bodies are just meat.” I open my eyes and glare at him in outrage. “Excuse me for not being deadened to all sense of humanity, Mr. International Assassin, but my body is not meat to me.”
I reach up and stroke his beard, smiling. “You’re a psychopath.” “Don’t try to flirt your way out of this.” That makes me smile wider. “Only you would think a woman calling you a psychopath is flirting.”
He flips me up into his arms and strides off the dance floor. Over his shoulder, I watch Nat and Sloane embrace as Kage and Declan square off and glare at one another. The band breaks into a rousing rendition of “We Are Family.” As if nothing happened, the guests flood back onto the dance floor and start gyrating. Wow. So that was a gangster wedding. All in all, I think it went pretty well.
