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There would be no more crying, especially not over a man who didn’t see me. Didn’t understand my value. Couldn’t discipline himself enough to stop inflicting pain on me. Refused to right his wrongs and free me from the cage he’d locked me in. Those days, they didn’t exist in my world anymore.
My fragility was never supposed to be in jeopardy. My softness was never supposed to be up for sale. My vulnerability, my sensitivity were not tailored for the auctioning block they’d been on for two years. Reclaiming it all was my new destiny.
Though I loved Phillip, I loved myself so much deeper. And when the smoke cleared, it would be the only love that mattered. The only love that would remain standing. The only love that would weather the storm. The only love that would survive the fire.
“When God sends you the man he created for you, to love and cherish you without having to be told to. Someone who listens to your heart and can accommodate its girth. You’re a lover, Vallei. I know it because I am your mother, and you are me, every bit of me. The misuse of your heart is unfair. But God will send you love, baby. You just wait.”
Remember, baby, a man’s foolish ways are not a measurement of your love or what you deserve. There’s only one man who has the power to measure any part of your life at any point. His name is Jesus. Find peace knowing
that Phillip has lost the best thing that he could’ve ever wished upon a star for. You are more than this situation. You are more than the pain you feel right now. You are loved. You are appreciated. You are worthy. You are healed. I declare it for you, Vallei.”
God is working in your favor,
“Listen, my best advice is to never let anyone get in the way of finding your forever love. Not even your husband.”
punctuality is my sport.
“Don’t ever fix your lips to apologize for making a mess. That’s what that pussy is made for.”
“Pretty face. Pretty body. Pretty heart. Pretty titties. Pretty pussy. Just Pretty. But I’m not interested in the pretty parts of you right now, Vallei. I am in search of your depths. The filthy,
downright disgusting parts. Can you tap into them, or should I go fishing until I find them?”
“I’m not sorry for denial, so I won’t be apologizing.”
Not my fucking Pretty.
Mercer was nostalgic, reminding me of the men who were uncompromisingly gorgeous in the nineties when the jewelry was minimal, and the sexiness was always at its maximum. He oozed sex appeal. Every move he made made me want to widen my legs a little more and give him free rein over my body, over my heart.
I’ve never been truly, utterly cared for… taken care of. I’ve never been enamored. Adored. Flawed and all. I’ve never been admired to this degree. I’ve never been… prayed for.
“Infertility exposed the fragility, flaws, and bruised ego of the nigga you chose to marry. It didn’t cost you shit.”
“Don’t ever blame yourself for what a nigga does and doesn’t do. Because one thing I know for sure, if he can and really want to, then he will. For a woman I truly love, I’d go find a fucking baby if that’s what she wanted, if that’s what I wanted. The doctor could tell you right now today that you’re dying of cancer and have only a year to live.
I lowered her to her feet. She landed as softly as I wanted her living. Hardships were part of her past. From the moment I met her moving forward, I’d been making plans to soften every area of her life. And they were plans that would not fall short. They were plans that would blossom more and more over time. Plans that would solidify her world and mine.
“You’re not washing shit off, Pretty. I said we’re securing your bag. I never said I wouldn’t let that nigga know what time it is.”
“Though your physical presence isn’t a stable structure in my life, your heart’s presence is never not around. I feel you the entire sixty seconds of a minute. I feel you the entire sixty minutes in an hour. “I feel you the entire twenty-four hours of the day. I feel you every day of the week. I feel you every day of the month. There’s nothing fuzzy about our connection, my feelings toward you, or where you fit in my future. “That’s how I know you were meant to be here, part of my world. Because, from the moment I saw you, Pretty, you fit. Like a routine, you fit. Like family, you fit. The
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“There’s something about when Black women unite. We can move mountains. We’re no strangers to solutions. It’s the most beautiful, unfiltered experience ever, witnessing Black women laugh loudly and step fully into who we are as we dine, sip, and converse. We heal one another. As much as I like my quiet, I love our energy. Right now, it’s what I need to push through this moment.”
Time wasn’t a measurement of love. It was simply… time.
Our connection, our goodness, was more mature than the length of our relationship. More mature than what was expected from two people who’d only known one another for less than half a year.
“Don’t run away from shit when it comes to us. Face it. Face me. Tell me how you’re feeling. Tell me what’s going on in your head. Tell me how your heart is feeling and how fucked up I got you because I won’t hesitate to tell you.
