“Check this shit out,” I started, placing a thumb on my nose. “If you try any slick shit in her absence, I’m on your ass. If you try to file for divorce in her absence, I’m on your ass. If you touch her accounts in her absence, I’m on your ass. “If you dial her line, I’m on your ass. If you even think about her too much, I’m on your ass. Hear me very fucking clearly when I say that there is no such thing as a crazy ex when I’m in the picture. I’m the only crazy one in this shit.
