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To the women who are still waiting on their person, this one is for you. May he be brave May he be strong May he be bold May he be kind May he be gentle May he be consuming in the best ways May his heart be big and pure May his intentions be good May his home be your safe haven May his world be adventurous May his eyes be your undoing May his dick be the perfect place to land g.
Those days, for me, had ended. There would be no more crying, especially not over a man who didn’t see me. Didn’t understand my value. Couldn’t discipline himself enough to stop inflicting pain on me. Refused to right his wrongs and free me from the cage he’d locked me in. Those days, they didn’t exist in my world anymore.
My fragility was never supposed to be in jeopardy. My softness was never supposed to be up for sale. My vulnerability, my sensitivity were not tailored for the auctioning block they’d been on for two years. Reclaiming it all was my new destiny.
Though I loved Phillip, I loved myself so much deeper. And when the smoke cleared, it would be the only love that mattered. The only love that would remain standing. The only love that would weather the storm. The only love that would survive the fire.
“When God sends you the man he created for you, to love and cherish you without having to be told to. Someone who listens to your heart and can accommodate its girth. You’re a lover, Vallei. I know it because I am your mother, and you are me, every bit of me. The misuse of your heart is unfair. But God will send you love, baby. You just wait.”
Remember, baby, a man’s foolish ways are not a measurement of your love or what you deserve. There’s only one man who has the power to measure any part of your life at any point. His name is Jesus.
You are more than this situation. You are more than the pain you feel right now. You are loved. You are appreciated. You are worthy. You are healed. I declare it for you, Vallei.”
“Listen, my best advice is to never let anyone get in the way of finding your forever love. Not even your husband.” I burst into a fit of laughter. My chest caved and expanded continuously. “See, you hear that?” She giggled. “I haven’t heard
I didn’t live a loud life. My existence wasn’t loud. My aura wasn’t loud. My art wasn’t loud. My thoughts and my heart were the loudest parts of me. I loved loudly. There was no other way to, in my opinion. It was both rewarding and risky.
My existence wasn’t loud. My aura wasn’t loud. My art wasn’t loud. My thoughts and my heart were the loudest parts of me. I loved loudly. There was no other way to, in my opinion. It was both rewarding and risky.
“I’ve missed you, too.” Breathless, I finally admitted, “So much it scares me. You feel like a total stranger, yet it feels like I’ve known you my whole life, as if I’ve waited my whole life to have you. As if I knew you in a past life. As if I wasn’t waiting for an introduction but more of a reunion.
“I care to know more than I already know. I care to feel more than I already feel. I understand the sacrifice I’m making. I just don’t want to do it in vain… or alone.” “From this day forward, Pretty, you’ll never be alone.”
Souls this pretty are hard to come by, but I recognized yours the minute I was in your space.
My knees weakened as I closed my eyes, unable to stomach the sight of him anymore. He was painfully beautiful. He was utterly addictive. He was the epitome of perfect. Under the definition of flawless in the dictionary, he should be.
“Then I’ll be here to remind you who the fuck you are and what you deserve before I introduce you to some shit that you won’t ever be able to recover from. Type of shit that makes your chest hurt, and your cheeks burn at the thought. Type of shit that you’ll find nowhere else, nowhere but here. Nowhere but home ’cause that shit ain’t a place.” “It’s a person,” I added. “So, be my person, Pretty. If not now, soon.”
I’ve never been truly, utterly cared for… taken care of. I’ve never been enamored. Adored. Flawed and all. I’ve never been admired to this degree. I’ve never been… prayed for.
“Being here, being with you, opens wounds I didn’t know existed. Helps me shed skin that I’ve been needing to shed. Makes me realize I’ve probably never been loved properly, cared for properly. And while it hurts so bad, it feels so good. So, these tears were not sad tears. Not all of them, at least.”
“Maybe you were loved. You just ain’t gone ever be loved like I can love you, so it will make every effort any other nigga has ever put forward feel minuscule. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Because once you let me, for real, won’t be a nigga on God’s green earth that can out-love you like me. I’d bet my last dime on it.”
Love had dealt her a fucked-up deck, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t deserving of it in its purest form. Strongly and wholeheartedly, I felt that it was my obligation. And I’d oblige.
“Don’t ever blame yourself for what a nigga does and doesn’t do. Because one thing I know for sure, if he can and really want to, then he will.
Helping her unlearn unhealthy tactics that had her settling for less than I was capable of giving her would be a joy of mine.
“Put the flowers on the counter.” I lowered her to her feet. She landed as softly as I wanted her living. Hardships were part of her past. From the moment I met her moving forward, I’d been making plans to soften every area of her life.
“Though your physical presence isn’t a stable structure in my life, your heart’s presence is never not around. I feel you the entire sixty seconds of a minute. I feel you the entire sixty minutes in an hour. “I feel you the entire twenty-four hours of the day. I feel you every day of the week. I feel you every day of the month. There’s nothing fuzzy about our connection, my feelings toward you, or where you fit in my future. “That’s how I know you were meant to be here, part of my world. Because, from the moment I saw you, Pretty, you fit. Like a routine, you fit. Like family, you fit. The
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“When you cry, I’m dropping everything to see ’bout you. When you need me, I’m there. When you miss me, I will cross the ocean to get to you. I’m invested; heart, dick, and dome. I need you to understand that. You have control of me.
“Love isn’t something you have to force, Phillip. It’s the most natural thing to ever exist. It’s automatic. It doesn’t need much influence. You won’t have to try and try and try. It’ll just happen.
“There’s something about when Black women unite. We can move mountains. We’re no strangers to solutions. It’s the most beautiful, unfiltered experience ever, witnessing Black women laugh loudly and step fully into who we are as we dine, sip, and converse. We heal one another. As much as I like my quiet, I love our energy. Right now, it’s what I need to push through this moment.”
“It’s not just that I love you. That’s putting this shit mildly. I’m in love with you. I’m indebted to you. I’m invested in you. I’m interested in you, your dreams, your wants, your needs, your hurt, your pain, your happiness, your well-being, your health, your ever… your everything.
Time wasn’t a measurement of love. It was simply… time.
