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There would be no more crying, especially not over a man who didn’t see me. Didn’t understand my value. Couldn’t discipline himself enough to stop inflicting pain on me. Refused to right his wrongs and free me from the cage he’d locked me in. Those days, they didn’t exist in my world anymore.
If I allowed his actions to continue contouring my future, I’d be unrecognizable by the end of the year. I couldn’t fathom it.
My fragility was never supposed to be in jeopardy. My softness was never supposed to be up for sale. My vulnerability, my sensitivity were not tailored for the auctioning block they’d been on for two years. Reclaiming it all was my new destiny.
In an ideal world, I was not equal to anyone else he’d ever met. I was supposed to be different. I was supposed to be held to a higher degree.
Though I loved Phillip, I loved myself so much deeper. And when the smoke cleared, it would be the only love that mattered. The only love that would remain standing. The only love that would weather the storm. The only love that would survive the fire.
I'd hurt the hell out of myself before I let anyone else continue to hurt me
“When God sends you the man he created for you, to love and cherish you without having to be told to. Someone who listens to your heart and can accommodate its girth. You’re a lover, Vallei. I know it because I am your mother, and you are me, every bit of me. The misuse of your heart is unfair. But God will send you love, baby. You just wait.”
Remember, baby, a man’s foolish ways are not a measurement of your love or what you deserve. There’s only one man who has the power to measure any part of your life at any point. His name is Jesus. Find peace knowing that Phillip has lost the best thing that he could’ve ever wished upon a star for. You are more than this situation. You are more than the pain you feel right now. You are loved. You are appreciated. You are worthy. You are healed. I declare it for you, Vallei.”
I’d rather profit from my pain than let it put me behind bars.
My worst nightmare had quickly become my soul’s yearning. Scenes of a man with a perfectly sculpted face and the most precious wood between his generous thighs hemming me up and dicking me down the way that my body needed after breaking and entering my home flashed before my eyes. Take me, my brain begged.
“Listen, my best advice is to never let anyone get in the way of finding your forever love. Not even your husband.”
I wasn’t built for socializing. My batteries always deplete swiftly. Home is where I love to be.
“Pretty face. Pretty body. Pretty heart. Pretty titties. Pretty pussy. Just Pretty. But I’m not interested in the pretty parts of you right now, Vallei. I am in search of your depths. The filthy, downright disgusting parts. Can you tap into them, or should I go fishing until I find them?”
He filled his mouth with my pussy, letting me know it was the end of the conversation. He was a master at meddling. It was noted. He cared to know my desires and tiptoed toward them, slowly, at his own pace, intensifying my yearning and making it feel utterly outstanding to receive them.
“Ya internals feel more like home with each stroke, Pretty.”
Mercer knew things that most men couldn’t comprehend or didn’t care to discover about the woman’s sexual organ. Though it was their playground, they refused to study the intricacies or instructions for proper use.
The sound of our connection became louder and louder as he dug into me. My pussy was rejoicing, elated to have company. My fingers had strung her like a guitar far too many times.
My gratification was beyond him at the moment. He held no power.
“I don’t have the energy you’re in search of,
I won’t give you the satisfaction. I can’t give you the satisfaction. You didn’t provide it, so you can’t have it.
Love. Experiences. Freedom. Shit, that made the sacrifice worth it in the end.
“Then I’ll be here to remind you who the fuck you are and what you deserve before I introduce you to some shit that you won’t ever be able to recover from. Type of shit that makes your chest hurt, and your cheeks burn at the thought. Type of shit that you’ll find nowhere else, nowhere but here. Nowhere but home ’cause that shit ain’t a place.” “It’s a person,” I added.
I’ve never been truly, utterly cared for… taken care of. I’ve never been enamored. Adored. Flawed and all. I’ve never been admired to this degree. I’ve never been… prayed for.
“Anything you need. Anything you want. Anything to make you feel better. Anything to make you feel good. Anything to keep you smiling. Anything to keep you protected. Anything… So tell me, why the tears? I don’t like them.”
“Maybe you were loved. You just ain’t gone ever be loved like I can love you, so it will make every effort any other nigga has ever put forward feel minuscule. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Because once you let me, for real, won’t be a nigga on God’s green earth that can out-love you like me. I’d bet my last dime on it.”
Though she was a well-put-together woman, I could tell there were parts of her that desired unhinged behavior, even in the smallest fractions.
