Dear Ana

by I.I.E.

“You’re pretty,” he pressed on. “Effortlessly, painlessly, fluently pretty.”

“I believe in love as an emotion,” I clarified. “I believe that love can be strong. I believe that love can be beautiful. But I also believe that love is conditional and subject to change. It can happen in a split second, or after a prolonged sequence of time . . . but it always happens. Real and unconditional love is as make belief as vampires, and werewolf’s and any other mystical creature or fairytale ever written on paper.”

“So . . . if you’re better than okay, why did you call?” He was silent for a moment before speaking softly, a gentle caress against my ear. “You told me that I could.” Someone finally chose me.

“Just because you’re easily pleased, doesn’t mean you deserve anything less than everything.”

How could you convince someone they were worthy of everything when they spent their entire life believing they were worthy of nothing?

“Did you know that whales don’t die of old age?” I asked. “They don’t?”

“No. Eventually, they get tired of swimming back up for air, so they drown themselves,” I said quietly. “I don’t know how to swim, Noah. I don’t know how to swim, and I’m tired of trying to struggle back up for air. I’m so fucking tired.”

But when I look at you . . . I can’t help but feel like our souls somehow sprouted from the same seed. You are the sunshine that my roots need in order to grow. You are the water that my core needs in order to survive, Maya, and I’m not going to let anything or anyone take you away from me.” He closed his eyes tightly and let out a shaky breath. “I was never a religious man but I swear, when I think about you––” his voice cracked “––I get so extremely overwhelmed that you’re real and that you’re mine, and all I want to do is get onto my fucking knees and thank God for bringing you into my life.”

“You reignited everything that makes me real, Maya. As long as I have you, I can never cease to exist.”

“Obsession is an understatement,” he whispered, his warm breath tickling my face. “My entire being aches for you in your absence. My heart beats your name against my chest with a heightened sense of desperation, and it can only be soothed by the tantalizing flavor of your presence in the air.”