Dear Ana

by I.I.E.

“I’d give anything to know what it’s like to wake up and feel rested. To wake up and not think again? I have to do this all again? To wake up and not have to walk on eggshells around my own mind. To wake up and feel like I’m not just surviving, but living.”

“Thank you for giving me the moments that you did. I’m not going to pressure you, but if you ever find yourself willing to try to make another choice . . . choose me. Try with me. I’ll be your stranger, or your acquaintance, or your friend . . . I’ll be your anything, Maya. I’ll wait, no matter how much you don’t want me to. And if this isn’t something you end up wanting . . .” He looked at me sadly. “I hope you can heal from the things that are silently tearing you apart. I hope you can find happiness.”

Isn’t it crazy how the fate of the human population is entirely dependent on women in pain?

“I wanted to get you flowers, as they’re a first date rite of passage, but I didn’t want to get you real ones because I knew they would eventually die.” I looked up at him and he was staring at me intensely. “I don’t want what we have to ever die, Maya.”

“Just because you’re easily pleased, doesn’t mean you deserve anything less than everything.”

I can’t help but feel like our souls somehow sprouted from the same seed. You are the sunshine that my roots need in order to grow. You are the water that my core needs in order to survive, Maya, and I’m not going to let anything or anyone take you away from me.”

You were supposed to be my protector, but instead, you were the person I needed protection from.”

Suffering is hard, but healing is much harder. You don’t realize when you’re living in it, but suffering is an addiction. The human body can only live in fight or flight mode for so long before that becomes your default mode.

You were my soulmate in this life, and you will be in every life that comes after. I’ll meet you on the other side my love, but until then . . . I’ll see you when I wake up at sunrise to say good morning, and then again as the sun sets when you say goodnight. Pinky Promise.