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“What did we do before we had this dog?” Lauren asked Josh. “You mean back when I was the love of your life,” he said, grinning as he cooked. “Were you, though? Or was I just waiting for Pebbles?” she said, and he laughed.
But these days, it was hard not to blame someone. To want to kick God in the nuts. Thanks for nothing. I knew you didn’t exist.
If he was the one who was sick, I’d do the same thing. But—and this is a big one—I need him to take breaks from that, because otherwise, I’m just a sick person who needs to be fixed. I’d rather be his wife.
So your son-in-law is doing his job beautifully, Dad. Just wanted you to know.
Staying in the moment was better than wringing hands about the future.
When you’re living with a ticking clock, you can’t be a loser. You can’t think about what you won’t get to see, what you’ll never have. Ain’t no one got time for that.
If one of them had to die, it should be her, because he was such a gift to the entire world. He was. He was everything.
i don't care how good of a man he is... I'm not sure I'll ever feel this way.
There is so much to do, thank God, because your brain cannot accept what’s happened, and if you stood still for a second, you might spontaneously explode, like a wineglass shatters with a high note.
He didn’t accidentally reach for two plates at dinnertime, whenever that was, and when he realized he didn’t, he deliberately set out two plates, because the acceptance of her absence was worse than the forgetting of her death.
A seagull was perched on the post, staring into the distance. The spatters of white on the deck said it was a favorite hangout. “Get out of here,” Josh said. “Shoo.” The bird didn’t even glance at him. “Seagull. Beat it.” Pebbles cocked her head, amused. “Do something, Pebs,” he said. She wagged her tail and seemed to smile at the bird.
knowing lauren wanted to to be a seagull at some point makes this sweet...
The sadness shouldn’t cancel out what had been so bright and full and beautiful. Just because the cherry blossoms would fall didn’t mean you should mourn them on the tree.
He would never find anyone like her again. He would never try. Once you’d had a love like that, it would be futile to try to replicate it. Everything else would be a hollow imitation.
i don't feel this way.. and thats okay.
“Hate speech, terrible gaydar and a gun lover. Color me shocked.”
Since Lauren’s diagnosis, she’d seen a . . . maturing in her friend. Maybe that was something that happened to everyone who had to face terminal illness, their own or someone else’s.
weirdly, i get where sarah is coming from because it's frustrating for your one friend to get everything they want, but then they get hit with a terminal illness so you feel bad for feeling and thinking so competitively and negatively about them.
He admired the way they didn’t trust him or didn’t think he was anything special just because he was an adult. The way they’d rushed to defend their teacher.
one of my favorite scenes of the book.
Life was everywhere except where he most wanted it to be.
He asked what was making me die, and I told him it was IPF. “Well, shit,” he said. “My mom died of the same thing. Get suited up.”
Being Princess Butterflies and Rainbows (a new name, and one she kind of liked) . . . that was her thing. She clung to that. It was her defense mechanism.
Then Josh clamped his arms over his head and sank onto the couch and just . . . fell apart. Big gulping sobs racked his body. In that moment, Lauren’s heart broke all over again.
i think this part broke my heart most in the book (so far)
“Or a shark.” “No one wants to be a shark, Josh.” “Why? No fear, do whatever you want, eat whatever you want . . .” He attempted a smile. “Kill seals and unsuspecting swimmers? No. There are no sharks in the Great Beyond, Joshua.” She pretended to scowl.
the shark hate is so unnecessary. Made me dislike Lauren more than I already do.
Because even if her mother was a little black rain cloud, she was still her mother.
Lady in post office when I am innocently mailing a package: “I see that you’re on oxygen. Are you sick?” Me: “No, I just like the buzz.” Her: “Can I hug you?’ Me: “No.” Her: “Let me hug you.” Me: “You touch me, and I’ll punch you.”
actually me.
These are the pj’s my first wife wore. Sometimes I smell them to try to remember her. I loved her more than I ever loved anyone, including you, punkin. Sorry!
Maybe Jen would give him Octavia. It seemed only fair.
there are so many red flag thoughts in this book omg.
She wouldn’t look nearly as good. She’d look like the runner-up she was.
again wtf??? who needs enemies when you have friends like these???
He adjusted the calendar on his computer so it only showed two days at a time, because looking at the days and weeks and months and years ahead of him . . . it was just too hard.
“When she got sick,” she said quietly, “I thought it had to be a joke. Like, if anyone should be the dying friend, it should be me. Like she was too golden to have anything but perfection.” Josh stifled the urge to wish it had been Sarah. He’d already thought it a number of times, anyway.
also messed up that someone could even think that bc wth.
Josh cleared his throat. “How many of these have you been to, Sumi?” She leaned back in her chair. “All of them. I’ve been doing it since my mother died in 1992.” “Wow.” That was a lot of money down the toilet. Ben glanced at him with a little shrug and a smile. “Whatever makes her happy.”
Ben and Sumi are the real perfect couple in this story.
What was the last time he’d bought a coffee for his wife, such a small thing, but so precious?
She was not going to get better. She had a terminal disease. She had really wanted a baby instead.
A far-off, still-calm part of his brain guided him to the cabinets. He heard a smashing noise and more yelling, and there was pain in his foot, a distant pain, and then he slipped and his head thunked against the floor and he was out.
more red flags... i know it's the autism, but like this man also needs more therapy.
As I’m writing this one, I want you to know I’m happy. We’re sitting in your mom’s living room on a Sunday morning, and she’s making cinnamon rolls and it smells like heaven.
wicked,
the use of "wicked" in this book needs to be studied bc i don't think this many people actually say the word wicked...
“I was totally psyched when Radley texted the other night.”
what year is this supposed to be??? The character dialogue is so off.
“And I’m also a working girl.” She laughed a little, a nice sound. But Josh’s foggy brain couldn’t quite make the . . . “I’m a member of the oldest profession,” Cammie said, clearly amused.
hahahahahaha wtf this is golden
“You ready to be kissed?” “Oh. Um. Sure.” His face felt hot, and his hands were clammy. “You want tongue?” “No, thank you.” “God. The manners on you.”
“Josh has never once made me question his judgment. I’m not going to start now.”
“Well. That would’ve been irresponsible, given her condition.” She looked at the floor to avoid his eyes. Logic had always been her go-to response for anything. Josh said nothing.
this is how i feel with my mom too
“Okay, okay. I get it. And I do volunteer at the Hope Center. Also, I just got my red belt in karate. Everyone else’s mom was there for the belt ceremony. I was sorry you couldn’t make it.” There. She smiled. She’d laughed so hard when he told her about his kiddie karate classes.
law, you being my sister-in-law . . .” “Yeah?” she asked, frowning. “Don’t tell me you have a crush on me.” “Well, of course I do,” he said, though he didn’t and never had, but this was how people connected, he understood, this light flirting and teasing. “But it gets complicated, explaining how we’re linked. Maybe I could . . .” He hesitated. “Maybe I could just call you my sister.”
it mostly aches because i dont think I'll ever have this.
That was one of the best things about Radley, Josh thought as he watched his pal talk with great animation. He carried the conversation 90 percent of the time.
She woke up smiling because of him, and even though she was generally a happy person, she now understood what had been missing in her life. Him.
The last thing she would ever do was break this man’s heart.
this whole chapter was unnecessary.
Creepy Charlotte had opened her door the other night the second Josh had come home from a run. She was wearing a towel only. “Did you knock?” she’d asked. “Absolutely not,” he said, running up the stairs before the towel could “slip.” He’d definitely gotten better at reading people this past year.
Then his eyes swam with tears, and when he blinked, she was gone.
this chapter has so far made me cry the most
His eyes were dark and serious, but there was a little light in there, too, a candle on the darkest night. Suddenly, it felt like there was a bridge between us, linking us, and, Dad, I had the semi-coherent thought that if I could walk across that bridge, I’d be in the most beautiful, happiest, safest place in the world.
The absolute worst thing about this disease was not that I was going to die from it. It was that I broke your heart, the one thing I swore I’d never do.
It would be convenient, he admitted silently, to marry his wife’s best friend.
ABSOLUTELY NOT.
