If You Hate Me

by Helena Hunting

“Shit. You were a gangly, pimple-faced nerd the last time I saw you.” Ego: minus ten. Tristan: one.

I hustle around the island, but he’s right there—a wall of hot, muscular flesh that I’d like to punch and run my nails over with equal measure, especially now that he’s not covered in glitter or smelling like cheap perfume. Instead, he smells like fresh fucking rain and warm skin, and I want to hump his leg a little.

His free hand slides into my hair and curls into a fist, holding my head. “You know what they say about playing with fire.” He twists my head, his lips dragging across my cheek until they reach my ear. “Bad little Bea,” he taunts, catching my earlobe between his teeth.

I didn’t warn my roommates I was coming. I figured the element of surprise would benefit me. But as I examine the scene before me, I reconsider that strategy. On the upside, Eugenia isn’t tied to the pillar in the middle of the living room. On the downside, her boyfriend, Claude, my other former roommate, is doing the helicopter, and every rotation of his wiener slaps Eugenia’s cheek. She’s dressed in another impressively designed period piece, her boobs hanging out. I’d like to say this is a first, but that would be a lie.

I head for my room and close the door, then glare at my semi-erect cock. “Fuck you for getting excited.”

“There were shots involved.” “I know. You were consuming them out of a woman’s orifice for the world to see.” I choke on my coffee. Tristan throws his hands in the air. “It was her navel! You make it sound like I was sucking vodka out of her pussy!”

All three heads turn my way. Tristan is in the middle of a sip of orange juice—he drinks an irrational amount of juice. He chokes and coughs into his arm. I hop to the floor, plaster a bright smile on my face, and head for the fridge, passing Tristan. His eyes are wide, and his mouth hangs open. It’s comical, really. “What the fuck are you wearing?” he blurts.

I brace my hands on the counter and pull myself up so I’m kneeling on the cold granite. “The fuck are you doing?” Tristan asks. “Getting the coffee beans, genius.” “Keep your fucking eyes to yourself, Bright,” Tristan snaps.

I tip my head and drag a single finger down his chest. “It must burn your ass.” He grabs my wrist but doesn’t pull my hand away. “What are you talking about?” “Being attracted to me, even though you can’t stand me. So frustrating to abhor something and want it at the same time.” His eyes flare with surprise before they narrow. “Tread carefully, or you’ll wind up in over your head.” I poke him through his shorts. He’s definitely sporting a semi. I bet if I looked down, I’d see the ridge pushing against the fabric. “Your body betrays you,” I murmur. “What you wouldn’t give right now to be able to shut me up with your cock in my mouth, eh?”

“Hey! What the hell’s going on out there? Tristan, you can’t throw Rix off the balcony, no matter how much she annoys you!”

“I tell anyone who will listen. It’s like free therapy. I came home to find my roommate, naked, tied to a pillar in the living room. I decided it was best that I move out.” Hammer nods slowly. “That’s understandable.”

“Tristan is fucking filthy in bed. Filthy.” Hammer’s eyes light up. “Like, he makes you call him Daddy?” I open and close my mouth twice. “Uh, no. But I feel like I’ve learned something about you tonight.”

“Before the away game last week, I was making a cucumber salad⁠—” They both have wide eyes, and Hammer looks far too excited for her own good. “—and he bent me over the kitchen island and fucked me with an English cucumber. And then he ate it.” “After he washed it?” Hemi asks. I shake my head. “Lord.” Hammer grips the edge of the table.

“Have you ever watched the movie Chasing Amy?” “Total classic,” Hemi says. Hammer nods. “Oh yeah. That movie is a must.” I make a circle with one hand, and put the tips of my fingers together, sliding them through the hole, until I’m gripping my wrist while making a fist. “Oh my God!” Hammer jumps to her feet. “His whole hand?” Hemi’s jaw drops. “No!”

“Well, that wins the filthy trophy right there. How the hell did he convince you to let him do that?” “I was on the edge of an orgasm for like half an hour, but he kept stopping just before I came. I would have said yes to butt stuff at that point.” “But couldn’t you have finished yourself off?” Hammer asks. “I was also maybe tied to the bed.” Because I’d been yanking on his hair. It was an intense night. The bathroom door opens. “So, um, the walls in this place are really thin.” Tally thumbs over her shoulder. “Also, do you think maybe we can watch this Chasing Amy movie sometime?” We all say yes.

“I get it. I get why you said no,” he tells me softly. “I just wanted you next to me. I hated last night. I didn’t want you to have to listen. I won’t be with anyone else while I’m gone. I haven’t and I won’t. I don’t want anyone else. There’s only you, okay? You’re the only one.” His eyes are wild. Haunted almost. He takes my hand and presses it against his cheek. “Just don’t go. Please, Bea? Don’t leave yet. I’m not done with you. I need more of you.”

“Does that mean you’ve met someone?” “Date number two is tomorrow night. I met him at a coffee shop, and we ordered the same thing. I’m trying not to turn him into my new husband right away. You’d be proud. I haven’t even merged our faces on that app that shows me what our children would look like.”

Essie gives me a look. “He’s jealous,” I whisper. “Because we’re watching a movie together?” “Because we were making physical contact.”

She’s pretty careful with her money. She price matches groceries every week.” He glances at me. “How do you know that?” “The flyers are always covered in Sharpie, and she makes a spreadsheet. She leaves them on the counter.” I’ve also tried to entice her into sex when she’s been in the middle of price matching more than once. She gets really fucking annoyed.

“Little sips, sweetie. We don’t want you on your back before the date even begins.”

“We were on our way to the diner and thought we’d extend the invite. You’re all more than welcome to join us. Except you, Rix. I doubt Tristan will be all that inclined to share you.” “That’s kind of a relief, actually.” The words are out before I think them through. Hollis coughs into his elbow. “That’s…yeah.” Roman nods. Hemi snickers. Tally looks confused, God bless her.

“Wow. That’s some unreal chemistry,” Hammer says. “Seriously,” Hemi agrees. “Is he choking her?” Tally whispers. Tristan drops his hand and steps back. “Sorry. Hi. You look amazing. I brought you flowers.” He thrusts them at me and glances toward the girls, who wear a mix of expressions. Tally looks scandalized, Hemi knowing, and Hammer seems envious.

“Hold on a sec, Es.” She lowers her phone. “I thought I was supposed to gargle your balls and choke on your cock?” “You forgot to mute yourself,” Essie says.

“Is it your birthday?” Hollis asks. “No. It’s in the summer.” “Did Tristan buy you cake because he loves your vagina?” Hammer asks. Roman coughs. “Chill out, Daddy. Everyone knows they’re boning. It’s borderline NSFW when they look at each other.”

My phone rings, the tone telling me who it is. I assigned a song to everyone at the top of my contact list. “Hey, ’sup?” “My cock. Wanna come ride it?”

“I made Dallas go to a horse farm to witness the birth of a foal for a promo op,” Hemi says. “The family has a son with a serious medical condition who idolizes him. It was a great opportunity.” “The legal hoops were absolutely worth it,” Shilpa adds. “Oh my God, that’s terrible and awesome at the same time.” “I know. He passed out. It was glorious.”

I don’t have a chance to exit the booth before he reaches me. He cups my cheek for a moment, thumb skimming my chin as he adjusts his palm and it comes to rest against my throat. He leans in and brushes his nose against mine. “I’m going to do filthy things to you later.” “I missed you, too.” “This outfit is drawing way too much attention,” he grinds out. I grin. “That was the plan.” “Figured as much. I’m guessing you won’t let me take you up to the room now.” My smile widens. “It’s like you know me.” “Game fucking on, Bea.” He slants his mouth over mine and gives me a panty-melting kiss. “Geez, get a room,” Hemi mutters. “That’s borderline obscene,” Hammer observes. “No one’s ever kissed me like that,” Tally whispers. “I’m learning so much from you,” Shilpa declares. “Who wants to place bets that their next-door neighbors will be calling in a noise complaint tonight?” Essie says. “Better yet, they call the police because they think someone is being murdered,” Hemi adds. “Oh, yeah, that’s totally possible. I’ve heard them from the hallway before,” Hammer says.

I wave off her apology. “It’s fine. I stayed over at Tristan’s, and we thought Flip wasn’t coming home. He walked in when things were happening. On the kitchen counter.” “Cucumber-salad things?” Tally asks on a whisper. “Seriously. Hell is going to have a special place for us in it.” Hemi sighs. “I enjoy cucumber salad,” Shilpa says.

“You’re poking me in the wrong hole,” Bea mutters when my erection nudges her navel. “He loves you, too.” “When everyone leaves, we can start christening rooms. The bathroom should probably be first.” “I vote kitchen. I saw all the cucumbers in the crisper.”