If You Hate Me

by Helena Hunting

All three heads turn my way. Tristan is in the middle of a sip of orange juice—he drinks an irrational amount of juice. He chokes and coughs into his arm. I hop to the floor, plaster a bright smile on my face, and head for the fridge, passing Tristan. His eyes are wide, and his mouth hangs open. It’s comical, really. “What the fuck are you wearing?” he blurts.

“The fuck are you doing?” Tristan asks. “Getting the coffee beans, genius.” “Keep your fucking eyes to yourself, Bright,” Tristan snaps.

“Ow! What the hell?” I try to swat his hands away, but my arms are caught in the shirt and my hair is in my eyes. He grabs the hem of his shirt and gathers it at my waist. “This shit is unnecessary. Everyone was already looking at you before you pulled this, Beat. It’s overkill, and you have a hell of a lot more to offer than your body.”

“Being attracted to me, even though you can’t stand me. So frustrating to abhor something and want it at the same time.” His eyes flare with surprise before they narrow. “Tread carefully, or you’ll wind up in over your head.” I poke him through his shorts. He’s definitely sporting a semi. I bet if I looked down, I’d see the ridge pushing against the fabric. “Your body betrays you,” I murmur. “What you wouldn’t give right now to be able to shut me up with your cock in my mouth, eh?”

And this kiss, this one fucking kiss is everything I didn’t want it to be. It’s not like any other. We’re years of history colliding. Her mouth on mine is a balm, and desperation has me tipping her head so I can deepen the kiss. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I can’t stop. All I want is more.

She gives me an incredulous look. “I don’t even like you.” It’s what I need to hear. It stings, but I’ve mostly been a complete asshole to her, so I can’t expect any different. I push down the regret. She doesn’t deserve my vitriol. It’s not her fault she’s a constant reminder me of all the things I wish I deserved.

“Are you disappointed I won’t spank your meltdown out of you?”

“Nuh-uh,” I counter. “Eyes on me.”

I can indulge in the fantasy that this is something I can have. That I actually deserve someone like her.

At the same time, he grabs the English cucumber and splays his other hand between my shoulder blades. “Oh my God.” For a second I consider tapping out, but he’s right. He always makes me feel good. And honestly, an English cucumber isn’t much different from a regular dildo. It just happens to be edible and biodegradable. And I washed it, so it’s clean.

What the eff

I seriously can’t believe I’m being fucked with produce. And enjoying it.

“I get it. I get why you said no,” he tells me softly. “I just wanted you next to me. I hated last night. I didn’t want you to have to listen. I won’t be with anyone else while I’m gone. I haven’t and I won’t. I don’t want anyone else. There’s only you, okay? You’re the only one.” His eyes are wild. Haunted almost. He takes my hand and presses it against his cheek. “Just don’t go. Please, Bea? Don’t leave yet. I’m not done with you. I need more of you.”

“I slept like shit. All I wanted was you.” His lips brush over mine. “You’re all I ever want.”

“It’s just you I want, Bea. I meant it when I said it.”

I would settle for spooning with no sporking just to have you next to me. Night, Bea.

“What else do you want, aside from an illustrious career as a professional hockey player?” She pops the last bite of her ravioli into her mouth. You, I want to say. For this not to end. For the things I’m afraid of not to ruin this. To give you the things you want. To make you smile like this every day.

“I wish I could keep you happy like this forever,” I murmur. “I wish I deserved to.”

“Your dick is fucking glistening right now, so you were absolutely balls deep in my sister!”

She loves me. She loves me.

“Dude, you were looking at her like she was the freaking sunrise at Thanksgiving. I’m surprised it took this long.”

I can see my future unfolding with Bea. For the first time in my life, I understand what home feels like. It’s not a place for me; it’s her. She’s where I want to be. She has my heart. Bea is the person it beats for.