Eleven Eleven

by Micalea Smeltzer

11:11 I close my eyes and make a wish. I wish for this move to be the right thing.

Fuck that slime bag Chase.

“I want to come on your face,”

The way my jaw dropped

As good as the sex was, just being held by him healed some pieces inside me that had been broken for a long time.

men can have eighty percent of what they want and need in a partner yet seek out that other twenty in another person. In the process, they lose the eighty, but they don’t figure that out until it’s too late and all they’re left with is the twenty. Twenty.”

There’s no way I can handle Derrick and Reid all in one room. One, I went on a date with. The other I fucked. Father and son. Oh my God. I long for the earth to open up beneath my feet and swallow me whole. Put me out of my misery.

“Night, Via.” He pulls back, but with an “oh,” he quickly ducks close again and brings his lips to my ear. “I can fuck you better than my dad ever could.”

one text from Derrick apologizing for last night. I cringe at that. His apology is far from necessary. Not when I know what his son’s penis looks like.

“Unknowingly or not, I want to mark you so you remember which Crawford you belong to.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her it’s okay, but I hold back those words. Because it’s not okay. I have to stop downplaying my feelings to make it easier for everyone else.

“The last thing you could ever be is stupid. You were too good for him, and it sounds like he manipulated you into believing that wasn’t the case.”

There’s no reward for holding on to pain rather than sharing the burden with others.

Blamed. What an ugly word. I was going through the worst time of my life, and all the while, he was blaming me.

“I told you before,” he growls, his lips brushing mine with each word, “that I can fuck you better than my dad. It looks like I’m going to have to remind you of that.”

After what Chase did to me, I didn’t think I’d love again. I didn’t want to. Being that vulnerable again scared me.

“Chase wasn’t careful with your heart, but that doesn’t mean Reid won’t take care of it with everything he has.

Reid isn’t Chase, but the fear of being hurt like that has kept me from giving in to my feelings.

He fell hard and fast. I fell slow and steady.

“Via is the thing I never knew I was searching for. She’s everything. I don’t give a fuck what you or anyone else might think of me. When you know, you know, and she’s it for me. She’s not going away. Not now, not ever. So if you’re not okay with this, just say so now.”

An emotion I’m not familiar with fills my chest. I think it’s the feeling of belonging.