Theoretically Straight

by Amy Bailey

I’m beginning to wonder if becoming an adult—particularly a Christian adult—will primarily consist of feeling guilty all the time. Because, as a recent seventeen-year-old, that’s been a surprisingly big chunk of it so far.

Worship is honestly what makes going to church worth the effort. Worship is where it all feels more real, more tangible. The music starts playing, and it feels as though the presence of God is no longer a question. He’s just…here with me. He’s here with everyone, and sometimes, it even makes everything else fade away.

“Spiritual warfare is no joke, Theo. Dark spirits are real. You need to be careful about putting yourself in places like that.”

The writer so clearly has experienced Christian trauma and it’s crazy reading about it now that I’m on the outside

If you believe in the basics of Christianity, you should know that wanting to hold hands with a boy does not take away from your salvation.

“So, what about the other stuff? Like, don’t have sex before marriage, don’t steal, don’t curse, all of that?” “Honestly? According to John 3:16, that stuff doesn’t really matter, does it? ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’”

“All I want you to worry about is the first part of what I said. Being straight is not a prerequisite for being a Christian. Period.”

I used to feel a twinge of guilt that I enjoyed the spooky season more than Jesus’s birthday—a stark contrast to my Christmas-loving family.

Fuck Specter. Fuck potential witnesses. Fuck the possible consequences. Right now, Caleb is mine, and I’m his, and nothing else in the world matters.