The Bordeaux Book Club

by Gillian Harvey

Perhaps there’s a little bit of Pip in all of us,

Grace was so fiercely independent that Leah sometimes wondered whether her friend saw giving part of yourself to someone else as a sign of weakness.

The idea of feeling alone, you know, despite everything. I guess it shows that loneliness can come from within.’

She didn’t recognise who she had become.

Now, when she looked at Bella’s trusting little face, she sometimes wanted to cry. Because she simply wasn’t up to the job. She loved her baby, but at times, she felt a resentment building inside. There wasn’t a moment’s peace: a moment to herself. She missed the woman she’d used to be, but couldn’t see a way back. And no matter how hard Monica tried, she never felt as if she was doing a good enough job for her daughter.

It had always seemed a little odd for her why people romanticised it – all those women pursuing men for their money: their only option to better themselves. To her, it just made her feel frustrated that the women had had to marry well or be damned.

She was used to being alone, enjoyed it to a certain extent.

‘I had two choices. Wither away or seize life. And I chose to seize,’ she said. ‘And I realised that although it was nice to have a husband, I didn’t need anyone else to complete me. I was… am, already complete.’

‘But that’s why it’s important to have a good relationship with yourself. To be your own champion, cheerleader. To be the person who forces you to get up, to go out and try something new. And it’s hard. But over time, you can build something… well, wonderful.’

Such an important reminder - to always have a good relationship with yourself.

But the point is that I know now that I can survive – thrive – on my own. That I can depend on myself. That I’ve got my own back. If someone comes along, it would be lovely. But if they leave, or never arrive at all… that I will be perfectly OK, content.’

What do you want? Need? What things make you happy? And don’t wait for someone else to bring those to you. Build them for yourself.

Meet someone new, but live with that feeling they might suddenly whip out a grenade and blow your present and your future apart? He wasn’t sure if he wanted to give another person that kind of power over his life.

The ache of the unknown. Do you give love another shot or do you live with the memories of past? Do you allow your heart to be broken or be the reason why someone is hurt, or do you stay away from even finding out?

How devastating and life-shattering it could be. How, when you put your trust in someone, allowed yourself to love them, you exposed yourself to potential pain.

To love someone though comes with exposure to potential pain to self, it also comes with the pain you may unintentionally and unknowingly cause the one you love.

But it wasn’t like before, she told herself. She didn’t need someone to complete her, to make her whole, the way she’d felt she did when younger. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t make a little room for the right person. It was OK to let someone in.