The Bordeaux Book Club

by Gillian Harvey

She’d realised he hadn’t factored in that she was a living, breathing human in her own right, rather than just an extension of him. And she saw that she’d been another check on his list of life goals, rather than an equal.

the privilege of ageing,’ said Grace. ‘Happens to us all. Or at least the lucky ones.’

Of course, none of us likes what happens to our bodies, our faces as we get older. But what’s the alternative? I’m as vain as the next person. But I’ve come to accept that physically, I’m past my prime. And you know what? Mentally, I’m stronger than ever. As long as I avoid looking in the mirror too often!’

But long term, you can’t rely on a man to complete you. They are, after all, only human.’

‘I had two choices. Wither away or seize life. And I chose to seize,’ she said. ‘And I realised that although it was nice to have a husband, I didn’t need anyone else to complete me. I was… am, already complete.’

life changes us. Changes how we see ourselves. Changes how others see us.’

‘But that’s why it’s important to have a good relationship with yourself. To be your own champion, cheerleader. To be the person who forces you to get up, to go out and try something new. And it’s hard. But over time, you can build something… well, wonderful.’

‘I’m not saying my life is perfect,’ Grace said, ‘far from it. And I’m not saying that I don’t sometimes miss… well, having someone special in my life. But the point is that I know now that I can survive – thrive – on my own. That I can depend on myself. That I’ve got my own back. If someone comes along, it would be lovely. But if they leave, or never arrive at all… that I will be perfectly OK, content.’

Nobody wants to die young, but if you want a long life, then you have to accept that ageing, changing is going to be involved. And it’s liberating in a way. All the sagging and wrinkling and becoming invisible.’ ‘How so?’ ‘You get seen as a person. Not just as an attractive woman, but a person first and foremost. It’s strange at first, but then it’s kind of amazing. Because you realise people are finally seeing you,’ she said. ‘Seeing who you are, not what you are.’

‘So you need to decide,’ Grace said, ‘who Monica is as a person. What do you want? Need? What things make you happy? And don’t wait for someone else to bring those to you. Build them for yourself.

Their life was perfect, simply perfect, she thought. Could she really throw a grenade into it? Was it so bad to feel that her husband had a secret? Did she have to know everything?

But I think I’d make a good husband, a good partner. I think I’d be there for someone through thick and thin. And I’d stick around. And I think maybe men like me – the dull ones, the ‘nice’ ones – don’t always get enough credit for that.’

Families come in all sorts of forms. Not always the ones you think.