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What kind of loving God would allow a perfectly beautiful Louis Vuitton handbag to sell for only forty-two dollars?
We're off to a great start 😂
Desperate for new business, the former owner Mr. Jamison had re-themed Little Fairytale Putt Putt into an XXX-travaganza. All the fiberglass nursery book characters were retrofitted with skimpy outfits, and garishly painted so they all but glowed in the dark.
😂😂😂
No matter how hard he tried, though, Zeke still looked like Sir Lancelot on a bender. Perfect face, perfect body, perfect voice, perfect Central Casting choice for the gallant hero of a nice girl’s daydream.
Ideally, a showgirl should look more like a Barbie doll and less like the girl someone’s parents invited over for a 4th of July picnic, circa 1942.
“You sayin’ that respectable people don’t frequent Topless Golf? I resent that. We once had the Mayor visit us.” “She was trying to shut us down!”
Maybe her hair was worth a fortune to some black market wig trader. She winced. Yeah, that sounded desperate, even to her.
Glowing red lava trails made from Christmas tree lights, trailed down its sides and tiny naked women were tossed in the ten foot smoke stack, via clockwork mechanism. When you sunk your putt, the “volcano goddess” celebrated with an array of orgasmic sounds and an eruption of sparklers.
“Scottie, I swear to Christ!”
Scottie?! Are you kidding me?! 😍😍😍
even though Zeke would’ve paid her bushels of diamonds to do nothing but show up and talk to him.
He's got it bad 😂
Zeke had always been a dreamer and Scotlyn was every dream he’d ever had.
He was going to die because he wouldn’t leave this human. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind. Dying with her seemed a hell of a lot better than living without her, though.
A choice between the stupid golf course and Scotlyn’s safety was the easiest decision in the world. He’d only kept the damn place because it allowed him to keep her. Once he’d realized Scotlyn and Topless Golf were connected, it had been very clear that small business ownership was for him.
Bright side to the zombie apocalypse: You’re now the only one who remembers how dorky you looked in your eighth grade class photo.
“Yeah, I saw that you dutifully confessed to the lipstick robbery on your employment application. You’re a real criminal mastermind, Trix. Luckily, I think the cops have bigger problems today than your reign of terror.”
Her boss was a werewolf. Zombies were real. She was trapped in Wal-Mart with the police shooting outside. What the hell was happening? Her life was fucking normal. She had perfect eBay feedback and nothing but Diet Pepsi in her fridge. Her biggest problems were dodging debt collectors and having an unrequited crush on her stupid boss. She couldn’t deal with any of this insane crazy shit.
“God, I need a cigarette. You still smoke?” “No. Scotlyn asked me to quit.” Now, he just pretended to smoke to piss her off.
The woman always smelled of summertime. The warm, bright colors of a vintage July. Sea and laughter and hot fudge sundaes sold on a sandy boardwalk. The twinkling lights of a Ferris wheel ahead of you and the promise of endless Saturday evening at the peak of your childhood shining in the future.
Bright side to the zombie apocalypse: Either you can enjoy knowing your enemies are now zombie food, or you’re a zombie yourself and you can enjoy eating them. Either way it’s win/win.
“He is a bookworm. He has a doctorate in folklore and mythology. It’s embarrassing.”
Ok Dr. Zeke 😏
“You think Netflix is gonna ship out the next disc in my queue anytime soon?
Whoa. Throw back.
“Cale.” She didn’t bother to turn and look at him. “Remember when I said, ‘Maybe if you were the last man on Earth?’” Amber eyes glinted. “Well, we’re getting close and it turns out… Nope. Not even then.”
“Yes, you can. Because, he’s obsessed with you. Because you like him being obsessed with you. Because you’re a cock-tease.” Her mouth twitched. “Well, every girl needs a hobby.
😂😂😂
Darcy smirked. The man had sacked kingdoms. He was the most feared vampire alive. But he was always so adorably unsure when he faced her. It was like he had some badass threatening speech all prepared… and then he saw her and his mind went blank.
“Brewer can’t even work those self-checkout barcode scanners at the grocery store. You really think he somehow chemically engineered a zombie virus? Really?”
Bright side to the zombie apocalypse: You finally have a use for your three months of Girl Scouts training. Or you would, if only you’d earned a badge beyond the one for making friendship bracelets.
“How long does it take to chop off a fucking foot?!”
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
“We need to get out of here and find them. I’m in a bad mood and I plan to kill every asshole who’s pissed me off today.” Brewer perked up. “We’re killing Joseff?” “No.” Darcy snapped. “Every asshole, except him.” “Oh.” Brew frowned in disappointment.
Swearing under his breath, Zeke struggled out of the harness and pulled the t-shirt on.
How many costume changes is Zeke going to have? 😂
Ugly guy, longish hair, dresses like Dracula’s accountant.
Obviously, it would all lead to Joseff going out in a blaze of glory worthy of an unconquered king. Then, would come the inevitable statues in his honor and maybe a vampiric holiday to commemorate the fateful date.
Bright side to the zombie apocalypse: All those hours spent playing first person shooters weren’t a waste of time, after all. Told ya, Mom.
Darcy arched a brow. “Still feel like being a present snob, King Snobby Pants?”
“All my life, you have looked out for me.” Zeke continued pulling out everything he had. “All my life, I’ve given you shit for it. But now, I’m asking for your help. Stay with me.” If he couldn’t get Caleb to agree, he didn’t know what he’d do. It turned out he needed people after all and Cale was pretty damn high on the list.
😍😍😍
Scotlyn studied his perfect face. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt if he was handsome.” “That’s incredibly shallow, Trix.” Purple eyes glinted. “Luckily, I’m incredibly handsome.” “Modesty’s also an important virtue in a man.” “Not as important as handsome, though. Admit it.”
“Zombies to the left of us. Fires to the right.” Brewer sing-songed, lifting his bottle in a toast. “Stuck in the middle with you, Darce.
He consoled himself by making cooing noises at Pucci, who stared at him worshipfully from her pet carrier. For some reason known only to cats, Brewer turned out to be the fuzzy demon’s favorite person in the world. “It’s like getting a guy all worked up to fuck a cartoon character, isn’t it, kitty-kitty?” He started baby-talking at his one and only fan. “Yes, it is. Wes it wis.”
Of course 😂😂😂
Bright side to the zombie apocalypse: You don’t need to pay that gym membership to stay in shape
“And anyway, I can help. First, to keep an eye on you and also because you have no idea what a Louis Vuitton handbag even looks like.” “Sure I do. Your purse is brownish with – like– letters on it.” Caleb overheard that description and made a “God help me” sort of sound. “It’s hopeless, Scotlyn. The man wears socks with sandals.” “Only when my feet get cold.”
😂😂😂😂
“See? Teamwork is so much simpler when I’m here to lead you.” Joseff checked his watch like he wanted to be sure they weren’t falling behind schedule, and headed back towards the truck. “Just hurry it up, boys.”
Bright side to the zombie apocalypse: Whatever comes next has just gotta be an improvement.
“Good. Because you’re a lucky man.” The guy nodded wisely. “The Mayor is quite a woman. Beautiful, talented, smart…” Zeke flashed him a glare. “I’m aware of that.”
Awwwh 😍
His mate was insisting that Zeke create a school instead of opening a new and improved version of Topless Golf World. Something about education being more important than mini-golf, and fulfilling his potential, and helping people…
😂😂😂
Brew still had his trucker hat on and Scotlyn was pulling Pucci along by a pink leash, while the cat glared at everyone with feline revulsion. But, it was perfect.
😂😍
