Beautiful Sinner

by Sara Cate

“Twenty-five Hail Mary's for seeing your priest naked.” I stare at him, mouth hanging open. “Wh—what?” “Thirty if you entertained lustful thoughts.” “Oh my God!”

Maybe that’s why I called her a slut when I was drunk. Not that that’s by any means an excuse. I know how fucked up that was, but maybe if she had better self-restraint in the first place, she wouldn’t have landed in my B&B without a penny to her name.

This is gross

He’s been in his priest thing and he’s been in work clothes, but right now he’s standing in front of me in a snug-fitting pair of dark jeans and a T-shirt that makes his biceps look so good I want to gnaw on them like a teething baby.

“How old are you?” I ask. “Forty-four.” “No,” I snap like a reflex. I took him to be in his late thirties, but not mid forties. He’s older than Sunny’s husband, but it’s a different look of aging. “Yep,” Callum says with a hint of laughter. “You don’t look it.”

We can accept that everything between us is so intense it’s hard to define. This quiet moment changes something. It changes everything.

God may have earned his vows, but I feel what’s in this hug, and he’s not entirely loyal to the one he gave his life to. He’s mine.

I am a priest, meant to serve God’s creation. And out of all of God’s creations, she is by far my favorite.

My mind screams that this is wrong, but my heart doesn’t know the difference between God and Cadence.

I get that this is a moral conundrum for him. I understand that he’s torn between his vows and his desires, but I’m not just some vice to avoid. I’m a person, with feelings and needs, and I hate being avoided.

“Kneel,” he says in a low whisper, and my spine tingles with this command. It’s something just between us that no one else can hear because no one else knows what it is we have.

I’m not playing fair. I realize that, but I’m competing against God here, and I’ll use whatever I have to win him over. I want Callum in ways I’ve never wanted anyone before, and I’m willing to fight dirty to get him.

I was not anticipating this, but a man this size should have never been allowed to join the clergy.

In just a few long strides, he’s standing right in front of me, and I barely have a moment to register anything before his lips are on mine. The kiss is ravenous and desperate. It’s vindication. It’s everything we’ve been hiding and torturing ourselves with for so long.

The sound of his buckle clinking in the silence of this midnight mass will be a sound stored in my memory forever. It is the moment he lets himself go in the current pulling us both away. It tore me from shore a long time ago, but now it’s his turn.

Once we put Misty away, we ride toward the house, and I’m hit with a sudden wave of exhaustion. I slump against the seat and nearly fall asleep on the short drive over. It must be from the whirlwind of the past two weeks. I don’t sleep much, and I’ve been working harder than ever.

……oh no

My heart still manages to thrum a little faster even though my head feels like it’s covered in fog. “You know what they say about feeding feral cats. They’ll never leave.” “Good,” he replies.

“So what about you?” he asks as he turns his back to the shower stream. “What was I like twenty years ago?” I reply with a smile. “You sure you want to know?”

My whole life I’ve been seeking out a connection with God, and I had no idea the transcendental power of connecting with another person.

I let out a groan. “I know he does, but you don’t understand. He’ll leave everything for me. He’ll quit the priesthood, his family’s business, fuck, I think he’d leave Ireland for me if he knew.” My sister’s hand stops moving. Then in a sarcastic, low drawl, she adds, “Oh no, not a man who would give up everything for you.”

Then, right there on the street in front of the church, Callum drops to his knees in front of me. His hands still on my hips, he pulls my body until my stomach is against his lips. I stroke the thick hair on his head as I watch the toughest man I’ve ever known crumble.

I don't know how I ever got so lucky, finding this beautiful girl. God was no match for Cadence, and if loving her was ever a sin, then I would gladly burn.