Beautiful Sinner

by Sara Cate

Of course, Sunny came through. Even when she knew I could make the appointment myself, she knew that I wouldn’t. She came through because she wants me to be safe. She doesn’t want what happened to me before to happen again.

so obvs we're dealing with an old abortion that's she's very ashamed of and while I'm mad she had any shame over it, if the same reasoning applies, I am mad she hasn't learned anything from it. now, going to her sister does imply some level of thinking ahead, but I'm super mad at how flippant she is about knowing she wasn't going to take care of this herself. I know it's probably going to make me seem like a prude or some sort of anti-woman's rights person, which I 1000% am not! - but how can you be this cognizant of your shortcomings? of your thoughtlessness? and yet not make any strides to correct past errors??? you can't have both. you can't be anti-consequence AND lazy. because this is lazy. YOU SHOULD FUCKING WANT YOU TO BE SAFE!!! YOU SHOULD NOT WANT WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TO HAPPEN AGAIN!!!!!

For a moment, he considers them, and then his eyes meet mine. As he presses my body against the counter, he reaches around me to drop the package in the trash on the other side.

aca-scuse me?!?!?!

When he threw that package away, he wasn’t taking my choice. He was answering the question I was too afraid to ask.

no, honey, he was ALSO throwing your choice away

My whole life I’ve been seeking out a connection with God, and I had no idea the transcendental power of connecting with another person.

ok but you better figure your shit out soon

We’ve been banging like teenagers,

clearly, if we're still calling it banging

people are going to do the math and realize that he and I were doing it long before he left his priesthood.

doing what???...

We really didn’t plan this out.

this whole book in a nutshell

“Tell me I’m wrong, Callum. I know it eats you up that you’ve been sleeping with me without being married to me.” “Why are you doing this?” His fists are clenched at his side. “Why haven’t you turned in that resignation letter?” I cry, pointing at the open laptop on his desk. “I told you—” “These things take time, I know. But I don’t think you want to resign, Callum. I think you’re torn. Torn by duty, torn because you don’t know who to follow anymore, God or me.” “Just because I’m torn doesn’t mean…” “I don’t want to tear you away anymore.”

by all means, don't let him get a word in

“Don’t do this.” His cold-faced plea nearly breaks me. “I’m going home, Callum.”

ok, way to be mature adults and talk it out. by all means, you seem like two people who should be bringing a child into the world

I asked her to hang around for me. I kept her hidden like a dirty secret and then somehow acted surprised when everything imploded. Of course she doubted my loyalty.

this is all that needs to be said. everything else is dumb and muddled.

“But that’s the thing. He wouldn’t be doing it for me. He’d be doing it because he thinks he has to.” Sunny’s head tilts and her brow furrows. “Oh my God, Cadence. What did they do to you?” “Who?” Reaching out to stroke my hair, she says, “All the boys who somehow collectively convinced you that no one could truly love you.” My shoulders slump, and I let out a heavy exhale. “Oh. That was me. I did that.”

we are our worst enemies.

It’ll take me some time to get things worked out, but for the first time in my life, I have faith in myself.

show me! because the second he comes knocking, your codependent ass is going to run right to him

I think I always knew he’d come, and maybe that’s what I was waiting for. I always wanted Callum to make the first move.

another super mature thing to do

like the first time we did it on the floor

did... did a middle schooler write this???

made us more bonded in the eyes of God than this wedding. That moment was a holy union, and it was even presided over by a priest.

ooooookay... I'm the last to cry blasphemy, but this is probably a step too far.