Romancing the Grump (Appies, #4)

by Jenny Proctor

I’m as into dating as she is, and I’m down to watch a romantic comedy when the mood strikes, but you will never see me abandon logic and reason for a man.

You stole my parking space. I’m face-to-face with a beautiful woman—one I’ve thought about more than once since I first met her a few months ago—and that’s the first thing that comes out of my mouth. You. stole. my. parking. space.

But once I saw Summer up in the stands, something came over me, and I stopped thinking about anything but wanting to impress her.

Happiness doesn’t have to look the same for everyone.

And you made the grumpiest grump of all smile like a kid on Christmas morning.” “I’ve never seen him smile like that,” I say. “Um, no one has ever seen him smile like that.

I wear it to remind me of everything I don’t want to be. To remember the damage he caused so I’m never tempted to do the same thing.

“I don’t think you’re half as grumpy as people say you are. You’ve got this broody, frowny persona publicly, but deep down, you’re kind of a big softie.”

I get the sense that Nathan doesn’t just love skating. He belongs on the ice. Not like how I love hiking or listening to classical music or watching romantic comedies with Lucy. This is more than that. This is a part of him. Like it’s oxygen. Not just fun, but essential.

“your lip will twitch the slightest bit. Like you want to smile. But I’d never seen the real thing. Now that I have seen it, all I can think about is seeing it again.

More like she’ll be the one to break me. She already is. Weakening my resolve. Making me forget everything I thought I believed in.

I’m immediately enveloped in the subtle scent of her perfume. I have no idea what it is. It could be flowers or fruit or some combination of both, but I’ve already decided it’s my new favorite scent.

this hug is just…a thank you hug. He’s overwhelmed, he’s emotional, grateful for Franklin’s help, and I’m here and available for a hug. That’s all this is.

“I wear it to remember the mistakes he made. So I don’t make the same ones.” A knot tightens inside my chest. “Mistakes?” “He made life miserable for my mom,” Nathan says. “Always gone. Always drinking. She didn’t deserve to raise her kids alone, Summer. She didn’t deserve to be so lonely.”

Nathan doesn’t want a relationship because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone like his father did.

“Nathan, you aren’t your father,” I say. “I didn’t know him, but from what you’ve told me, it doesn’t seem like you’re anything like him.” “You’re right,” Nathan says, a new terseness to his words. “I’m not, because I don’t have a family. I’m not in a relationship. Dad told me once that you can’t have both. You can’t love hockey like he loved hockey and be good at anything else. I knew it was true, because I was living it. I was the collateral damage. I won’t make the same mistake.” “So don’t make them,” I say. “Just make different choices. Have a different kind of relationship.” Nathan is quiet for too long before he finally says, “It’s not that easy.”

“A solid sixty-five,” I say, and she lifts a hand to her chest. “Oh, Summer,” she says. “Sixty-five is big.” Gracie looks at me, then back to Parker. “Trying to piece it together here. She’s sixty-five percent…?” “In love with Nathan.”

But the smile felt real. Nathan It was real. Summer Okay. So…why? Nathan Maybe just that I’ve never had someone at a game who was there just for me.

I’ve got this (fake) boyfriend who plays on the team. I’m wearing his jersey. Nathan Turn around and let me see. Summer If this is just an excuse to check out my butt, I’m fake breaking up with you. Nathan Summer. Let me see my name.

I want more than this. I want Nathan to kiss me for real. Even if no one is watching. I want Nathan to kiss me like he feels what I’m feeling.

“I don’t…want you to go,” he says, and my hand stills. “I just…think you should go because of how much I want you to stay.”

“You know,” she says, “It’s okay to let people take care of you.”

but I’ve worked hard to keep myself from imagining what it would feel like to let Summer in. I haven’t let myself imagine what it might feel like to love her. But Summer is cracking me open, and now I can’t stop the thoughts. It must be the fever, because my brain is inventing scenarios in record speed, taking snatches of possibility and knitting them together into clear images in my mind.

She thought of everything. She’s here, taking care of me, and she thought of everything.

wrap my arms around her waist and drop my head onto her chest, immediately deciding this is my new favorite place. Right here in my bed, with Summer beside me. But then, I have a sneaking suspicion my favorite place might actually be anywhere Summer happens to be.

I have strong opinions, and I’m not afraid of saying them.” “I like that about you,” I say. “But I might not be the best judge.” “Yeah? Why is that?” “Because I like everything about you.”

So I just hold on to her. I hold on and hope that eventually, I can figure out how to be enough. How to be what Summer deserves.

It was more just…the touch. The act of washing his hair. His complete vulnerability. He couldn’t even sit up all the way without leaning against me. He wasn’t making a move or trying to be close, he just needed me. And I really liked being needed.

But in hindsight, I’d have given all that up to just…have a dad.” I swallow hard against the lump forming in my throat. “I remember being glad when I found out he’d been hurt, thinking it would mean he’d be home more. Turns out it had never been about his schedule. He just didn’t want to be around us.”

I’ve always been stubborn about my independence. I don’t need anyone. I can’t need anyone because I’ve chosen a lifestyle that isn’t conducive to that need. But having her with me, close to me, occupying my space, it felt good.

But right now, I’m kissing Summer because I want to—because I want her to know she’s mine.

“She’s not your concern,” I say menacingly. “She doesn’t want to hear from you, she doesn’t want to see you. And you won’t see her again. Not unless you want to answer to me.” Jason’s jaw tightens, but then he rolls his eyes and nods. I lean into him a little harder. “Tell me you understand,” I say, and he huffs. “Tell me,” I growl. “I understand.”

Forget ninety percent. I’ve completely fallen for this man.

“Please don’t fight this,” I say. I tilt my face up and brush my lips against his, tentatively at first, but then his body softens, melting into me as I deepen the kiss.

“Nathan, I’m in love with you,”

“I know you said you don’t want a real relationship, and I tried to fight it—I swear I did.” I lift my shoulders in a shrug. “But I fell in love with you anyway.”

“I know this isn’t what you wanted,” I say. “You’ve been clear about that from the start. And maybe it wasn’t fair of me to agree to fake it when I sensed how easy it would be to fall for you. But I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t keep giving you all of myself, all of my heart, without knowing I’m getting the same thing in return.”

There’s no one to see how much this is breaking my heart.

“I know,” I say. “I do. But Nathan, my heart’s already in this. I’m in too deep. I can’t just keep pretending, hoping that you’ll eventually decide this is what you want.” He spins around, fire flashing in his eyes. “Of course it’s what I want,”

“It’s never been a question of desire. I wanted you the moment I laid eyes on you, and I’ve wanted you every moment since.” He hesitates, his mouth opening and closing like he just can’t find the right words. “Summer, the only thing more certain than how I feel is the inevitability of me disappointing you.” “You’re wrong,” I say, stupid tears coursing down my cheeks. “You don’t know that. You can’t know that. Life is all about risk. There are never any guarantees—especially not when it comes to love. You’re refusing because you don’t want to hurt me, but the person you’re really hurting is yourself. You deserve to be loved, Nathan. So your schedule is stupid, and your job is hard. Shouldn’t I be the one who gets to decide if you’re worth it?” He only shakes his head. “I’ll just end up hurting you, Summer.” I shrug. “Maybe. But I already love you. Feels kinda stupid not to even try.”

I can’t shake the feeling that this kiss is Nathan saying goodbye. But I have to let him go. He knows how I feel. All I can do is wait and hope he feels the same way.

It isn’t about hockey, man, and you don’t need to overthink it. Just be better than your father was. Do better.

It’s not hard to imagine that kind of life with Summer. A home. Kids. A family.

“I can’t think of anything more tragic than you keeping yourself from having a life outside of hockey because you’re afraid of winding up like your dad.”

I’m still terrified. It’s hard to rewrite a narrative I’ve been living my entire adult life. But for the first time, I’m realizing it isn’t just about letting myself love Summer, it’s also about letting Summer love me.

It’s what I want. She is what I want.

But she changed everything. She changed me.

When his gaze meets mine, he smiles. The big smile. The real one.

But this isn’t just a regular Hello. A So happy to see you after your weekend away. This is a beginning.

“I love you, Summer,”

“I love you. And I’m sorry I didn’t say it before. I was scared and overwhelmed and those are the kinds of feelings I’ve been running from for a very long time. But I’m done running. I know I haven’t been seeing things right—that I’ve got some messed up ideas about relationships. But if you’re still willing to gamble on someone as screwed up as I am, I want to try. I want to try to love you like you deserve.”