Meet Me on the Bridge

by Sarah J. Harris

Next to it, lie his three mobiles:

No comma needed

I’ll never hear the end of it if I tell Vicky I dressed up for Dream Guy in my favourite green mini dress that brings out the colour of my eyes.

This is an atrocious sentence

noting we shared a mutual connection.

Can you share a mutual connection or do you just have one? Redundant

The world folds and collapses in on me, a fragile piece of origami closing.

Pretty

‘Coming through!’ A young woman with long, blonde hair and heavy, pencilled eyebrows manoeuvres past a hen party of glamorous 1920s flappers. ‘Here you go!’ She hands me a drink with bobbing ice cubes and a piece of lime.

Confusing, reads like a waitress

it’s painted sunshine yellow, with a cobalt blue feature wall.

Didn’t we already establish this?

This should be one of the happiest days of my life, but I feel weightless.

Feeling weightless is a positive

like an untethered child’s balloon.

Is the child untethered? Come on now

You gave it me for my birthday.’

Typo

The day you gave it me,

Same typo…strange

Pumps? Doesn’t she need to run and/or swim??

My pendant weighs heavily, a tombstone around my neck, chaffing the skin.

Typo chafing

Yesterday’s half-eaten bowl of cereal on the bedside table doesn’t look appealing, but I manage to force down a spoonful without gagging.

We’re supposed to be glad she’s managing to eat rancid milk?

Anger bubbles inside me, a dragon waking. No one ever stays. Everyone abandons me in one way or another.

This resentment is not well established by author beforehand

‘get well soon’ roses from Jeremy.

Had to rack my brain for which character this is - too many side characters whose names are unnecessary to the story. Jeremy should stand out

I shake my head. What’s the point? I can’t make a second attempt to get the Night Prowler caught a year early; I can never go back to 2023.

Why?

I can go back one last time to 2023 and change what’s happened from the beginning, without ever going to the bridge.

Except Charles won’t feel guilty so he won’t stop the train crash…?

How do you tell a stranger we’ve already met and fallen passionately in love?

Funky wording, you vs we

It’s 12.45 p.m. I’m running out of time in 2023.

All of this took place in an hour?? C’mon

‘The Night Prowler ripped this off your neck that night in Chiswick, didn’t he? That’s how you got lost. You

Okay but didn’t she drop the pendant in Gran’a hand before she left for Scotland?

I touch my breaking heart.

“I place my hand over my breaking heart.”

I study the violets, electric greens, azures, teals and aquamarines that make up my face and hair – each diamond shape lovingly painted bar four left untouched on my right cheek.

Bar four? Typo?