The Truth According to Ember

by Danica Nava

I took an intro to accounting class at the community college. It was enough to get an entry-level job, I knew that, and somehow, I still couldn’t land any job interviews. I’d put in so many applications and gotten zilch in return.

... You're trying to get an accounting job with only an intro to accounting class and you're bewildered why you can't get an interview? Entry level accounting is a bachelor's degree. You can push it with an associate's, but a single class is insane.

I applied to every job I could find online. I received thirty-seven rejections. All iterations of the same email: We regret to inform you that we have reviewed your application and decided to go with a candidate who would be a better fit.

Wow, you're getting rejections instead of just getting ghosted? That's actually better than what 99% of jobseekers get nowadays lololol

I received the most adorable smile, and then the baby’s face contorted, and my life flashed before my eyes as a white explosion of spit-up erupted from the baby’s mouth. I was in the line of fire. It was a direct hit all over my shoulder in a hot liquid stream.

That's karma, babyyy~ xD

“You work at Technix?” My stomach dropped. This was karma in action. I’d lied, and now instead of impressing this guy, I had full-on embarrassed myself.

XDDDDDDDDDDDD

I crossed my legs at my ankles as Queen Clarisse Renaldi taught me when I was a kid. If dorky Mia Thermopolis could be a princess, then I could get hired here.

This is a popular highlight, but I have no idea what it means Edit: I don't think I ever watched The Princess Diaries. Like, I know the whole movie, but I think it's pieced together from catching bits of it in passing or movie reaction channels. I mean, I just had to google the queen's name there XD

I discovered that he smelled like a pure, clean man,

what does that mean

Next came her vintage Dr. Martens boots, landing with hard thuds.

Who calls them "Dr. Martens" 🤣 It sounds so formal

She lifted the top tray full of earrings and dug around. “Aha! Here!” She thrust her old Victoria’s Secret body spray at me. “I hate Love Spell,” I grumbled. “Love Spell or poop. Which would you prefer to smell like?” I groaned. “Which would you prefer Danuwoa smell?”

Well he's about to smell both because perfume isn't magical 🤣

There were so many things I wanted to do with my first paycheck: new clothes, new shoes, and a new car.

Car is a bit ambitious lol, but fully behind the other things~

I closed QuickBooks and promptly opened a Google window and typed into the search bar How to use QuickBooks beginners. That lie didn’t count, since I could figure it out easily enough with the help of the internet. I would become proficient in the program by the end of the day. I was determined.

This is so infuriating 😶

Every day blurred together to be much the same, save for Becky falling victim to corporate phishing that one time. I had been at Technix for two weeks now, and this was what I had to say about all the red tape, gatekeepers, and requirements to get this job—all that was pointless. Anyone could do this job. Ember, who only graduated high school, could do this job. Joanna could learn to do this job. Hell, even boneheaded Sage could do this job. That thought made me bitter and a little resentful.

Correction: anyone could *learn* to do this job. Let's be real. If you didn't have the internet, you would have gotten fired by now.

I hoped Joanna remembered we had plans later tonight. She was always going on spontaneous dates or hooking up with someone from an app. Some mornings I’d find an older guy in our bathroom, and others I’d find a younger woman. Joanna had no specific type. She loved love. She was addicted to the rush of it. She had more heartbreaks than I could count, and I lived through each one with her.

Promiscuous bisexual stereotype: ✅

“It lived a long and fulfilling life. A valiant effort that should be commended. The Ford Contour is no more.” He placed his hand over his heart, and with his other sent a kiss up to Creator. At my laugh he gave the smoking car a small bow.

FORD CONTOUR!? That thing was a fossil! I'm surprised it didn't collapse into a pile of dust when it died 😆😆😆

Now, do you want to start those tacos? Maybe they’ll be ready by the time your handsome friend without benefits picks you up.”

I had made a list of must-haves: All four hubcaps. (I was vain.) All one color with a nice paint job. (Vain, remember?) Working AC. (Practical!)

Set your bar a little higher omg 🤣

“We’re just work friends.” My laugh was hollow, and my heartbeat was picking up. This conversation was too stressful for a leisurely activity. “Besides, I have a boyfriend.” I lied. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I say that? There were a million better excuses than making up a boyfriend.

Girl, you have a PROBLEM

“I’m Sasha Storm Cloud. This fine warrior was telling me he is Cherokee. I too am Cherokee, from a line of strong Cherokee princesses.”

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I was a Slip ’n Slide down there.

I'm just skimming this section, but I caught this and DIED XDDDD

“How!” Mr. Stevenson said as he began his closing remarks on the stage, wearing a fake war bonnet made of dyed chicken feathers. A gift from Sasha Storm Cloud.

.____.

I was met with silence, but I could feel Danuwoa still there, waiting. I had to do something to get him to talk to me. This couldn’t be it. I had made many dumb decisions in the last couple of months, but what I did next might take the cake. I started singing Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” like in the movie Say Anything. I had no boom box, but I had a man who loved Peter Gabriel on the other side of the door, and I had to get him to talk to me.

Are we inflicting a final bit of psychic damage on me before the book ends??? XD

“I didn’t want to lie about myself to you.” I looked down at my hands. “That was what I hated the most, telling you a single lie. I want you to have all my ugly truths.”

Funny you should say this, because I can think of three completely unnecessary lies you told him right off the top of my head.

potato casserole

Is this a fancy way of saying scalloped potatoes or is there a separate dish out there called potato casserole? Edit: There is and the like 1/4 white lady within me wants to make it NAO