The Truth According to Ember

by Danica Nava

I was just Ember Lee Cardinal, a sometimes liar, but mostly an overall good person.

I could handle. I was not going to get into it again about my brother, Sage, and the reason I was broke. Joanna knew and I knew that he’d lost my money. Talking more about it wouldn’t help me right now.

I wanted to feel bad about the lying, but really, I was more worried about getting caught in the lies. It was hard to feel bad about gaming a system that was designed to put people like me down.

Everyone likes to say it’s so easy for minorities to get jobs now. That we have some sort of advantage after years of being treated as second-class citizens. Bull fucking shit. If that were the case, then why were all the good jobs still full of white people?

“Coconut baby vomit. You have refined taste.”

I crossed my legs at my ankles as Queen Clarisse Renaldi taught me when I was a kid. If dorky Mia Thermopolis could be a princess, then I could get hired here.

I was really great at this feigning confidence crap. Who was I kidding, my anxiety was through the roof.

I watched Danuwoa as he sexy-walked his fine ass over to the group of girls.

“See ya around,” Danuwoa said before he turned on his heel and left. Yeah, he had better leave. I barely knew the man, and he had seen me embarrassed too many times now. I needed to even the score.

I wanted to slam my forehead into the wall because I kept making dumb decision after dumb decision where Danuwoa was concerned.

Danuwoa broke the silence. “So, uh…Native Daddy, huh?” “You heard?!” I was beyond mortified. “Every word,” he said with a laugh. “For the record, I don’t have daddy issues.” It was dark, but the streetlights illuminated him enough. He wiggled his eyebrows. “Wanna start?” I pushed his chest, laughing at his dumb bravado. “Shut up before I jump out of this car.”

Natalie was wasted as an executive assistant. She could run a company. I didn’t fear her. I wanted to be her. She was the most incredible person I had ever met.

All I could do was blink in shock. This woman was about to push out a baby and she was thinking about a meeting?

“I just want to help.” That was the problem. I didn’t need help. I had managed everything for everyone on my own, and I couldn’t get used to someone helping me, or I’d never be able to shoulder these burdens on my own again when that someone inevitably left.

That was the problem with hope. It created expectations, and when they weren’t met, you were left feeling crushed.

we were going to walk out of there without a car, but with our dignity intact. I would like both a car and my dignity. Sometimes that seemed like too much to hope for.

Poor pride was what my family and I flaunted instead of Ben Franklins. We didn’t need money or fancy shit. We didn’t need anything. We had each other. All our friends and family were poor, and we looked down on those who had money. Like they weren’t as tough as us. It was backward, but it was just how it was for us.

Danuwoa gave me a crooked smile as his eyes melted me into the couch. I was no longer Ember; I was a puddle of molten lusty girl lava.

Nothing and everything happened. Danuwoa was stealing my heart, and if I didn’t distance myself, I’d never get it back. If we both lost our jobs, he wouldn’t look at me the way he did tonight. My life was a mess.

I lied. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I say that? There were a million better excuses than making up a boyfriend.

Santa Barbara was beautiful. I let Danuwoa hold my hand as we flew over the Pacific Ocean and a tiny island right off the coast before we landed. It was strictly platonic, and it did not make my frazzled mind even more confused. I did not like the way his hand encompassed mine. I was totally not lying…

Fuckboy Kyle was a plastic Ken doll compared to all that was Danuwoa. From his hair to his muscles and tanned skin…I had to stop looking at him before he caught me.

I wish I could say it was a sexy bra, but I didn’t own a sexy bra. It was a cheap basic nude underwire bra from Walmart that was worn in but comfortable. It was my trusty, sturdy bra. The one I knew would not show under anything, and the straps never slipped.

Which was worse? My ugly old bra or a boob flash?

A smart Ember would have just left the room and headed down to the event space right then. But smart Ember was unavailable. She was leaving an out-of-the-office automatic reply in my brain. I was left horny, curious, and dumb. Exactly how all my crushes left me. The difference? This crush was currently very naked in the shower, and I thought he was crushing on me back. This was not how I operated.

“About as hard as it was for me to lay in that bed next to you, knowing you wore nothing under that robe.”

Danuwoa eviscerated my soul.

There was no way I could share a room with Danuwoa again, especially not after that kiss. And I especially couldn’t now that Kyle had seen the kiss. I’d never been kissed like that before in all my life. That was the kind of kiss that people fantasize about, and it never should have happened.

We stood there in the ocean as we kissed each other like we were the last gulp of air we would ever breathe.

I knew I didn’t have the power to resist kissing Danuwoa anymore and I was a fool to fight it. This was what I had been missing, what our chemistry had been building up to.

“Be careful, Danuwoa, I wouldn’t want to ruin you,” I said, laughing. He sat up and rested his arms on the bed. “It’s funny. I woke up this morning thinking, ‘I hope this girl destroys me.’

We were never going to end up as just friends. From the moment he knelt and handed me my ugly key chain, I knew Danuwoa was special.

I was not Ember; I was a goddess, and this bed was my altar and Danuwoa my most devoted worshipper.

Oh yeah, Danuwoa Colson was the Native Daddy of my dreams. Holy shit. That was the promised earth-shattering orgasm.

Danuwoa’s finger pressed the scrunched-up space between my eyebrows.

I swear we had hearts in our eyes, and I didn’t hate it.

“You fucked the IT guy!” “Why do you have to be so crass?” “Oh, so you made long, languorous love to the IT guy?” She rolled her head, exaggerating her voice like an audiobook narrator of the dirtiest romance novels.

“The moment you got this promotion, I fantasized about this exact situation. Though you were always wearing fewer clothes, but oh, the dirty things I would do to you.”

“Fuck yeah,” he groaned. He kissed my neck before he whispered in my ear, “I’ve thought about nothing but getting back in this pussy since we checked out of the hotel room in California.”

He looked like he had just fucked in the closet, which meant I looked like I had just been fucked.

When I came out, Danuwoa had McDonald’s coffee and McMuffins on the bed waiting for me. “You ran out to get me food?” Was this my love language?

I clapped. I was enthusiastic but not overly so. I clapped how one would for a coworker who just got a strike. But my smile and my eyes said, I know what your penis looks like. His said, You know what my penis tastes like.

“Being discreet isn’t the problem, Ember. It’s the lying and weird behavior that is a red flag for me.”

“I feel sorry for you, Kyle. Even with your fancy education, your money, and your connections, no one genuinely likes you. Even though I haven’t graduated from community college—yet—when I finally get to where I am headed, it’s going to mean something to everyone around me. I will be something. You will just fade away, blending into the sea of mediocre men who have come before you.”

I made such a mess of everything, and even my leaving couldn’t be done on the down-low.

I left Technix and the First National Center behind me forever. What hurt the most was leaving Danuwoa in my wake of shame and embarrassment.

I cried. I told myself I had no expectations, that I didn’t want to read his letter. That I didn’t need his words. But I was a lost little girl alone in a shitty apartment with no job and no boyfriend and no future because I had just majorly fucked up my life.

“Let the man decide that for himself. Why do you make everything so hard on yourself?” “I do not!” “Do too! Call the guy and tell him the truth, and if he’s an idiot and doesn’t want to be with you, then Tito and I will still jump him in a parking lot somewhere.” Sage disappeared, and I heard the shower start running.

I was a notorious overthinker, but it was what I did. If I anticipated the worst, then when it happened, I was prepared for it. Except I was never actually prepared for any of this. Not for getting fired and certainly not for falling for Danuwoa.

“Do you love him?” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I…” Yes. Deep down I somehow knew that I loved him the moment he changed his name in the company chat to Native Daddy. As crazy as that sounded. That humor was once in a lifetime. His smile, his kindness, and his kisses were all exceptional, all Danuwoa.