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I wanted to feel bad about the lying, but really, I was more worried about getting caught in the lies. It was hard to feel bad about gaming a system that was designed to put people like me down.
If I never depended on anyone or opened up to anyone, then I never had my expectations squashed.
I had to be everything for everyone, and as exhausting as that was, it also defined me. I wasn’t an artist. I wasn’t a great cook. But I was dependable, and I showed up for those I loved. That had to count for something in this life.
Sometimes I just wished I could be the one to try and fail. The type of person to take risks.
“I’m pretty sure this is a bad idea.” He finished his beer, then angled his head within inches of mine. If I leaned forward, our lips would touch. “What exactly?” If this was just hanging out as friends, then it wasn’t a problem. I really wanted to hear him spell out why we’d be a problem. That he felt something between us too. “Romantic entanglements with coworkers go against the rules.” “Is that what this is? I thought I was just buying you a thank-you drink for the printer,” I said, challenging him by licking my lips.
Danuwoa broke the silence. “So, uh…Native Daddy, huh?” “You heard?!” I was beyond mortified. “Every word,” he said with a laugh. “For the record, I don’t have daddy issues.” It was dark, but the streetlights illuminated him enough. He wiggled his eyebrows. “Wanna start?” I pushed his chest, laughing at his dumb bravado. “Shut up before I jump out of this car.”
I wasn’t sure if Danuwoa would be open to starting a fling and having to hide it. He wasn’t a dirty thing. I didn’t want to hide him. I was starting to think that he might be the coolest person I had ever met.
I didn’t care what generation a person was from—if Mr. Stevenson said fucked-up shit, I didn’t know that I would be able to stay. Couldn’t people just be normal and kind?
I know, I know. Money isn’t everything. Well, when you had no money and then got some, it was everything. It made all the difference.
He looked sexy driving this old truck with the window down and his hair floating along in the wind. His knowing eyes met mine, catching me as I was appreciating him. Then he flexed his bicep, subtly tightening his muscle as he casually held on to the steering wheel. I couldn’t contain the cackle that erupted from me. It was so ridiculous. I was a mess with my hair plastered to my face and neck, and he was flirting with me.
That was the problem with hope. It created expectations, and when they weren’t met, you were left feeling crushed.
sat in the middle of Auntie and Danuwoa. She grabbed my hand and nudged me to take Danuwoa’s and bowed her head to pray. The funny thing was…we never prayed over our meals. My aunt was a religious woman who went to church sometimes, always made it for the major holidays, but Sundays we were busy catching up on chores when we all worked on the weekends. We thanked Creator regularly, and Auntie was better about her before-bed ritual of burning braided sweetgrass she got from her friend living in South Dakota and showing gratitude for the day’s blessings. But I saw her shit-eating grin as she
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“You can’t lie to yourself forever, you know.” Joanna headed back to her room, to escape into her beadwork no doubt. I was still reeling. I didn’t want to be a liar. Not to myself and most certainly not to Danuwoa. Nothing and everything happened. Danuwoa was stealing my heart, and if I didn’t distance myself, I’d never get it back. If we both lost our jobs, he wouldn’t look at me the way he did tonight. My life was a mess.
“So, you have your eye on anyone cute at Technix or in the building?” “Uh…no. That’s not even allowed.” I tried to brush her off, looking at an ugly beaded dress from the eighties. “Looking is fine. Besides, no one follows that rule,” Phoebe said as she rolled her eyes. “You and Dan seem to be getting close.” “We’re just work friends.” My laugh was hollow, and my heartbeat was picking up. This conversation was too stressful for a leisurely activity. “Besides, I have a boyfriend.” I lied. What the fuck was wrong with me? Why did I say that? There were a million better excuses than making up a
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He just leveled me with a look of pure impatience, then he blushed. I peeled the dried sheet mask off my face. Note to self, never sleep in these again. I looked down at the crumpled mask in my hand, and it was then that I noticed my left nipple was exposed, peaked from the air-conditioned room and just flaunting itself for Danuwoa to see.
I stepped right up to him. Directly in his space. “How hard would it have been to just listen to me?” We were sharing air and it was electric. Charged. As if a spark would be set off at any moment. He took a step closer to me. Our chests were now inches apart, and he whispered in my face, his breath smelling like the toothpaste he just used. “About as hard as it was for me to lay in that bed next to you, knowing you wore nothing under that robe.”
“Be careful, Danuwoa, I wouldn’t want to ruin you,” I said, laughing. He sat up and rested his arms on the bed. “It’s funny. I woke up this morning thinking, ‘I hope this girl destroys me.’ ”
I was not Ember; I was a goddess, and this bed was my altar and Danuwoa my most devoted worshipper.
Oh yeah, Danuwoa Colson was the Native Daddy of my dreams. Holy shit. That was the promised earth-shattering orgasm.
I never believed in love at first sight or soulmates, but this chemistry between us almost made me a believer.