The Death of Us

by C.A. Mariah

“I love you.” “Until the end.”

“What’s your name?” he asks, drowning me in the soft blues of his gaze. I wanted to keep that close. I wanted to deny him everything, but in this moment⁠— “Bunny.” I know he’ll keep it safe.

I feel his touch in the deepest part of me, as if I’ve felt him in another life.

Whatever it is, he feels it, too. Trusting me as I did him, he finally says, “Cade.”

“Fuck, and you know, maybe we were. Maybe we lost our senses. Maybe we were just two kids desperate for something other than darkness…but we found it. In that moment, we found a light that had been stripped from our lives.”

A part of me feels foolish for it, that there’s no way this could be love, but when I shift to glance up, gazing at his wondrous eyes, and he drops his lips onto mine, I know it can only be that. It can’t be anything but.

His scars, the ones I cascade my fingers over, are a reminder of the hard life he’s been forced to live—the vicious man he’s been forced to become. I can’t ignore that, but he’s also the same killer who folds his arms around my waist and kisses me with a tenderness only love can explain.

“On my life.” It’s a promise he meant literally, I learned eventually. A promise he truly kept…until the end.

“You’ve given me everything.” It’s as close to I love you as I’ve ever gotten to saying, and the biggest thank you I can squeeze out through my strangled throat, and it's not enough. There are no words or actions that could even come close to repaying what he’s done for me—what we’ve done together, for each other.

We will never go through this world alone, we solemnly swear, falling into each other's arms as swiftly as we fall deeper in love.

Cade embraces me until I’m out of breath. I let him. I let him have it all so he breathes easier. When his exhales aren’t so shaky, and his heartbeat calms beneath my touch, Cade lifts his head, face made of stone, eyes broken—but ready. Lips against mine, he vows, “I got you.” “Until the end.”

“Cade… God, he was so good. He was better than the world deserved—than I deserved. All he wanted—all he ever told me was that he’d do whatever it took to make sure I felt safe. So…no, he didn’t tell me anything, nothing but what he always said.” “What was that?” A tear, a single one, falls then. “Until the end.”

“I love you, Cade.” Until the end, I can still hear him say. Until the end.

I’ve never written a letter before. I had no one that wanted to hear from me. To be honest, I don’t know why I’m writing you this, Bun. I should tell you to your face, but I don’t think I could get the words out. I was taken to Marone in the back of a van. Did I tell you that? I was supposed to meet Bruno—Nathan— in front of the barn he found me in. Instead, I was grabbed from the road on my way there, hood thrown over my head and arms bound before I could throw the first punch. The torture began almost immediately. I can still feel the first blade sinking into my skin. It’s a burn I’ll never forget, and whatever drive I had for freedom died with the chunk ripped from me. I didn’t feel that spark again until I met you. Truth be told, I didn’t feel alive until then, either. You’re a fucking force, you know? I’m glad. As fucked as it is to say, I’m glad Marone took me because it gave me you. And now we’re doing this, and they’re paying for what they’ve done, and I’m scared, Bun. I’m scared because I can’t lose you. Not when I just got you. I won’t tell you this now. You won’t even get this until we’ve finished. Not because I don’t want you to know, but because I won’t be the reason you stop. Not when they’ve done so much to you. I can handle my pain, but yours is one I can’t survive. You’re sleeping now, and for once, I feel no fear from you. I dream of the nights I can look over and never see that fear again. I know we’ll have that, Bun. I know when this is done, I’ll roll ...