Beautiful Monster

by Sara Cate

"You like it?" I nod. "It's Sam Cooke." He smiles when he realizes I have no idea who that is. "Girl, you need an education." A laugh escapes my lips. "And you're going to get one while you're here."

Fuck, I could write a manifesto on the importance of parental boundaries based on this family alone, but it wouldn’t change a thing.

And I let myself believe Alex is mine. He’s mine and I’m his, and it’s the safest and most fulfilling thing I could feel.

For the first time in my life, I feel completely fulfilled by another person. I may have unopened boxes in my house and feel like I’m floating on a life raft, lost at sea, but Sunny is my lighthouse, and as long as I have my eyes on her and she’s shining those beautiful eyes at me, I’m not doing too bad.

It dawns on me when she laughs, the warmth in her voice sounding so familiar that my attraction to Sunny isn’t just about her body, her age, her innocence but how she makes every goddamn cell in my body come to life. She defines me, accepts me, sees me, and I swear to Christ, it fucking feels like love. And it scares the ever-loving piss out of me.

“At night I want to know that there’s someone in my bed that will be there the next night and the night after that. I’m tired of being lonely, Sunny.”

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they have a free pass to treat you like shit.”

No one in their right mind would pass up skinny dipping with Alexander Caldwell.

“You’re the most precious thing in the world to me, my sweet girl. I haven’t cared about anything in so long, and I care about you. If I lose that…” “You won’t lose me. You will never lose me, Alex.”

“I want to do it again.” Biting my lip, I run my hands down the length of his body. There is still so much of it I have left to explore. So many things I still want to experience and no one else in the world I want to experience them with. He laughs, resting his head on my chest. “Give me a minute, rain cloud. I’m not as young as I once was.”

“I love your scars, Alex. I know that under your skin is a whole lot of shame that you think you need to protect me from, but I won’t leave you for it. I won’t let you try and scare me away.” Taking her face in my hands, maybe a little too hard between my fingers, I pull her lips just a breath away from mine. “I love you, Sunny.” She blinks, a tear spilling over her lashes. “I love you, too,” she croaks.

As she walks away, I snatch her up by the elbow and pull her against me. “I am not your dad, Sunny. Don’t project your daddy issues on me, little girl.”

🙃

Love cannot be replaced. The love someone denies you cannot be filled by someone else.

There’s something to be said about having your sister around when you’re feeling bad, but having her here when I’m feeling good might be my favorite.

“Will you wait for me?” he breathes, taking his mouth to my neck, and it feels impossible. I don’t want to wait another second for him, but I know this is what’s best for him. After everything we’ve been through, this could be the thing that brings us back together. “I will always wait for you.”

We don’t get to love people because they are perfect or because they’ve made every right decision. Love is not a reward for good behavior. Love is unconditional because the strongest love endures the hottest fire.

I don’t know when my eyes started watering, but for the first time ever, I feel safe with my mom. Safe enough to cry for her.

I wonder if he ever feels this thing between us as intensely as I do. When my heart felt so empty, he was there, not to fill it with his own love, but to teach me how to fill it with my own.