Beautiful Monster

by Sara Cate

You have no place being in my thoughts, and yet, you own every single one.

little rain cloud."

"Little rain cloud."

“Is that okay? If I...take care of you?” My heart hammers behind my ribcage, causing my stomach to rattle and my breathing to falter. I want to memorize the sound of those words coming out of his mouth. The way he says you and means me. The way he looks in my eyes while he says it. The way I matter to him. If this feeling was a color, I would want to paint it all over my skin, let it seep into my pores, making it a permanent part of me.

My sweet, beautiful rain cloud.

she

pulls me toward her, burying her face in my shirt. Hugging her to my chest, I kiss the top of her head. It’s like my fucking heart is being ripped out of my chest.

It dawns on me when she laughs, the warmth in her voice sounding so familiar that my attraction to Sunny isn’t just about her body, her age, her innocence but how she makes every goddamn cell in my body come to life. She defines me, accepts me, sees me, and I swear to Christ, it fucking feels like love. And it scares the ever-loving piss out of me.

“At night I want to know that there’s someone in my bed that will be there the next night and the night after that. I’m tired of being lonely, Sunny.”

Just because you love someone doesn’t mean they have a free pass to treat you like shit.”

“You’re the most precious thing in the world to me, my sweet girl. I haven’t cared about anything in so long, and I care about you. If I lose that…” “You won’t lose me. You will never lose me, Alex.”

“I love your scars, Alex. I know that under your skin is a whole lot of shame that you think you need to protect me from, but I won’t leave you for it. I won’t let you try and scare me away.” Taking her face in my hands, maybe a little too hard between my fingers, I pull her lips just a breath away from mine. “I love you, Sunny.” She blinks, a tear spilling over her lashes. “I love you, too,” she croaks.

I crush her lips to mine, like today is the first day of my life.

There is nothing before now, and every moment from here until the end of my l...

The rain cloud is really so much more than that though, and I watch as he stares at it, finding every small detail I hid in the design. The gray cloud rains, but instead of water, music falls from the gray orb. There’s a tree sprouting, a spatter of color, cherry blossoms, a candle like from a birthday cake, a human heart, and a fire. It is everything we are and everything he made me. It’s us. The single biggest thing in my life so far, and I knew he would see it eventually, but I'm so glad it’s here where I can watch his reaction.

We don’t get to love people because they are perfect or because they’ve made every right decision. Love is not a reward for good behavior. Love is unconditional because the strongest love endures the hottest fire.