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Some days, I don’t care if I win or lose. Dying wouldn’t be that bad. The last few years, I fought like I had nothing to lose. That’s changed. I have my red-haired tiger, and a baby with my eyes.
I watch her, and the sheer happiness on her face is unmistakable. It's so intense that it sends a sharp pang through my chest.
“I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.” I almost say it, I’m so close. But what if that ruins everything? She nods and kisses me. Just like that, my problems seem to melt away. My mind stops spinning. I’m back where I belong. With her.
Rubbing my temples, I try to relieve some of the tension in my skull. Apparently my first week of therapy is supposed to gently break me in. Well fuck, if that was easing, then I have no idea what I’m in for as this goes on. I won’t give up though. I made a vow to myself and to Sofia that I refuse to break. I never want to go back to that dark place and put the people I love through that again. I’m one of the lucky ones. I had Sofia to drag me out of the depths of hell. A lot of men, they don’t have that. It’s drilled into us as kids, you don’t cry. You don’t show weakness. You must be
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“I-I had a call from Anna. It was really weird. She knew the name of the girl that you, umm.” Fuck. The pain on her face is still there. Even knowing I was drugged, I still feel disgusting. Unworthy. Tears sting in my eyes. I’ll never be able to remember. I will have to live with this forever. It is always in the back of my mind.

