Incidents Around the House

by Josh Malerman

My doctor looks like Abraham Lincoln.

it’s funnier if you know these comments are coming from an 8 year old girl

I think about peeing on the closet floor. Would Evelyn get mad?

feel like Mommy and Daddo have put alarms all over themselves too. Like they have alarms and dogs inside them.

My pee sounds like a whisper. It sounds like someone is whispering below me.