Jane didn’t know how to explain to her friend that there was within her an almost violent ambivalence. When she was with David, she wanted to lean fully into him and a life together. But part of her resisted all of it in the extreme. When they were apart, her thoughts spun out. She felt certain it couldn’t work. That she wasn’t made for that and would eventually have to let him go. Jane was always, privately, trying to discern which part of her was right. She never said a word about these thoughts to David for fear that they might hurt his feelings, when truly, they were not about him.
