Nicked

by M.T. Anderson

The treasure hunter was now prowling between the men, restless with the energy of expertise.

“These rough features may speak of the eastern steppe,” he declared, touching his chest, “but Christ is engraved within my heart—a Christ as white as oyster shells and blond as wheat.”

always wonder how light came a few days before the sun, technically, because light was Monday and the sun was Thursday. You know, there was light before there was anything to draw it on, which I wonder about. How can you have light without surfaces? What does it shine on? Wouldn’t it look just the same as darkness? These are the mysteries of Creation.

“Caliph Harun al-Rashid

1001 Nights

Though Nicholas was born when the empire of Rome was still pagan, we’re told that he was a Christian from birth: as a newborn, when the blood was first washed from him, he stood upright on his own legs in the bath for two hours babbling Christ’s name. As an infant, on holy fast days he refused to suck on either of his mother’s breasts.

Some believe that this is why pawnshops hang signs with three gold balls above their doors, for the three dowry bundles. Others say Nicholas did not throw the packages through the window; he tossed them down the chimney. This story is what we recall in giving our children miraculous gifts from the saint: We shall not have to sell you. We will keep the world from you as long as we can. Soon enough, you will have to sell yourselves.

“Where are you from? Some pagan land…?” “The Land of Enfeoffed Dogs. We are deeply Christian. Do not forget that in the Gospels, it is said that a dog was in the manger with the infant Christ.” “I don’t think that’s in the Gospels.” “It is absolutely in the Gospels.” “I would remember a dog.”

He stared out at the horizon and concentrated on Trinitarian controversies. If Father, Son, and Spirit were all one, did they share thoughts? If so, why did Christ have to cry out for his god and father with his human mouth when He hung upon the Cross?

“When they came back into the light of day,” said Nicephorus, “they looked down into their hands and saw they’d picked up gold and gems. Anyone who hadn’t picked things up in the Land of Darkness started wailing and weeping.” “This is…” The Factor bowed low over the railing. Nicephorus said, “We’re walking without any guide through the Land of Darkness. We don’t know where we’re going to end up. But we’ve got to have faith to pick things up along the way. One day we’ll realize some of it’s treasure.”

Similar to Sinbad and the valley of diamonds

“What did you tell him, Captain Tyun?” “The truth,” answered the saint hunter, without pausing. “One should only lie if it will make you a profit.

“The rich do not need miracles,” said the holy man. “The accrual of rent from those who can’t pay it is miracle enough.”

the Council of Nicaea in the moment before the blessed Wonder Worker punched Arius the Heretic in the kisser.