Heathen & Honeysuckle (Pacific Shores, #1)

by Sarah A. Bailey

“Right. You can’t see the water, can’t see the wind, but you hear them. You know they’re there, a constant. They’re factual. Reliable.” I feel his fingers crawl across my collarbone before coming up to cup my cheek. “I’ll be that for you too.”

They’re like a beacon to me. No matter how dark it is, they’ll always be shimmering brightly, the stars I need to find my way home.

“Even if you have to leave, I’ll be here, as reliable and sure as the waves crashing against the sand. As the wind that rattles the tree branches. As the air in my lungs—the heart that beats in my chest. Only for you, Darby.

“When you go back to Kansas, it might take some time before you can come back, but I know you will. You’ll find your way home to me, and I’ll be here. Whenever you begin to doubt that, I want my voice to be the thing you hear in your head, telling y...

“I’ll keep you safe. I’ll wait for you. I’ll always protect you, even if it has to be just inside your own head for a little while.”

“I can see your brain working, Honeysuckle. Stop thinking I don’t want you forever, because I promise you, I do. I just didn’t think it would be something you’d ever actually want to do.”

“I do,” I breathe. “I want something to represent this summer—represent you—that can’t ever be taken away from me. Something that’s just mine.”

that she’s real. That we’re real. We’ve always been real. After ten years of drought, my soul is experiencing its first rainfall, and I almost don’t care that it’s happening inside a crowded bar.

“I don’t understand how you don’t hate me.”

“I’d never hate you, Honeysuckle,” I say, running my hand along the back of her head. “I promised I’d always keep you safe. I’ll always be there for you. I came out here to keep that promise, and I’ve also realized I never fell out of love with you, either.”

“I don’t hold anything you said to me at seventeen against you. We’re not kids anymore. You’re not beholden to those promises. You’re allowed to hate me, Leo. I was awful to you.”

“Was it real, Honeysuckle? The way you loved me then. The way you’re looking at me right now. Every laugh, every secret told, every smile you’ve given me. What you wrote in that letter.” “It’s all real,” she whispers. “It has always been real.” I cup her face in both hands, wiping away tears as they fall from her face and swallowing back my own emotions. “Did you look for me in the dark? Did you try to hear my voice?” “I tried.” She nods. “But I think your voice got drowned out by the howls of wolves.” “I know, baby. I know.” I lean down, pressing our foreheads together and caressing her jaw. “That’s why I’d never hate you, Darby. I know you fought for us. You’re still fighting now, fighting enough to reach out to me when you were on the brink of breaking.

You’re strong, Honeysuckle, and you’re resilient. You found your way back home, and I don’t care how long it took for you to get here, only that you’re here now.” “But aren’t you angry with me for not fighting harder? I could’ve been more defiant. I fell back into my old rhythms so easily, Leo.” Her voice cracks against my chest. “I promised you I wouldn’t. I broke the promises I made. I…” She trails off as a sob rushes through her. My chest tightens at the sound, my instincts screaming at me to make it stop because my body can’t stand her tears. “Aren’t you angry about that?”

“Yes, Honeysuckle. I’m so fucking angry with you for breaking my heart.” She hits the wall, and I brace my arms against it on either side of her head. “Destroying my soul.” I lean in deeper with every sentence. “Obliterating me into irreparable pieces.”

“But you’re here now, wanting me.” “I do,” she whispers. “I always have.” I nod against her head. “So, either you left all those years ago because you decided I wasn’t good enough for you, and that’s going to destroy me all over again.” I run my hand down her neck and cross her collarbone, letting the strap of her tank top fall off her shoulder. “Or, you left me all those years ago not because you didn’t love me, but because some force outside the two of us kept you from me, and that’ll destroy me too.” I repeat the motion on her other side. “Or…you never came back because you thought you weren’t good enough for me, and that would destroy me most of all.” My lips follow my hands, trailing along her throat. “I don’t want to be destroyed tonight, Darby,” I whisper against her sweet skin. “Damn the past. I just want to be put back together.” She swiftly grabs my head and pulls it to level her face. Her honeyed eyes are bright. “Then show me what I’ve been missing. Show me what can only be found with you.”

“You haven’t had sex with anyone except me?” She lets out a huff of laughter. “Yeah. So, you know, I’ll probably be a little rusty.” She cups my face with her hand, giving me a soft smile. “But you’ve always been good at teaching me.” Fuck. That can’t be real. She can’t be real. My stomach flips, and suddenly, I feel like I can’t stand up straight. I lean into her touch, unable to believe it. Darby. My honeysuckle. My first love. My only love.

“My dad made me do this whole born-again-virgin thing, made Jackson agree to wait until marriage when we began dating.” She shrugs. “But it worked out because I wasn’t comfortable giving him that when I still felt like I belonged to someone else.” She tucks her free hand beneath my shirt, the

“And I’ve always been yours, Leo.”

I study her face, watching as her gaze drops down. I follow it and realize what she’s looking at. Peeking out just from the band of her yellow lace underwear is dainty cursive in black ink. My breathing increases, my lungs feeling hollow as I run my thumb across that spot on her hip, pulling her underwear aside. Heathen.

“Darby,” I whisper, not knowing what else to say. I’ve thought about that tattoo so often over the years, always wondering where on her body it was, if she still had it, or if she ever got it done at all. There was always a part of me that believed she never had it to begin with, that she’d faked it and left before she’d ever have to own up to that fact.

As I look at it now, her skin scarred with the reminder of me, it’s hard to imagine anything feeling more important than this: the nickname that’s made me hundreds of thousands of dollars, that’s made me a household name in my sport, that’s plastered along the side of my business. It all started here with her. She’s carried it with her—carried me with her—all this time. She’s always been mine.

God, we’re stupid. Stupid and reckless and mad. But I think we may be all those things in the name of love, the kind you only get to experience once. Maybe it’s not smart love. Not sensical. A teenage dream. But fuck, it’s real. It’s real and raw and all-consuming, and damn if that’s not a good enough reason to ink her name right over my heart, because no matter how old I grow or how my life pans out, this summer girl has changed me.

I’ve changed her, too. The girl I met two months ago would’ve never dared to get a

tattoo, especially not one for me. Maybe I corrupted her after all, though I think I might’ve helped her find herself instead. I think she’s got a bit of a wild side but has grown up with a whole lot of fear, like a spooked animal. She needed a little coaxi...

She dares to fall in love with someone her parents would never approve of, to choose someone who’d be forbidden if we were ever found out. She dares to give me all these little pieces of her, pieces she knows she can’t take back, pieces she’ll never be able to give anyone else. I’ve given...

I think the best version of me is the one who belongs to Leo Graham. No part of my actions is good in the eyes of the traditions I was raised in, but every piece of me feels perfect in this moment. I feel wild. I feel free. I feel like myself.

I’d be lying if I said the taunting in his voice, the thought of that kind of control, of someone hearing us, doesn’t turn me on. Knowing that I’m on my knees for the man my father hates, the one man I was never supposed to end up with, has my core seeping. My fingers brush against my clit harder. Hi, daddy issues? It’s me, Darby.

“Just mine.” “It’s yours. It’s always been yours.” “Tell me I’m your last. Your only,” he whimpers, voice raspy and cracked.

“Only you.”

“You’re the one who chases my ghosts away now,” she whispers. I lean into her, laughing

“You’re still the sunlight shining through the cracks of my shattered soul.”

But nobody—nobody—has ever looked into my fucking soul the way Darby does. Nobody has looked at me so deeply and still decided they wanted me, still decided I was enough. I know that if I hadn’t become the surfer I am, I’d be nothing to anyone. But she’s always looked at me like I’m enough for just simply being me, not for what I can provide her. I think it’s because when I met her, I had nothing to offer but myself, and that had been all she wanted. Knowing that, it makes me want to give her the entire goddamn world and then some.

“Thank you. Now, answer my question. What do you think it is I’ve been dying to spend all this money on?”

“I’ve made all of this for you. Because of you.”

“You’re not unemployed. You’re a teacher, and it’s summer break. You’re not homeless. I’m your home.” He leans into my ear. “And you’re not engaged to that man. The next time you want to refer to yourself as engaged, you let me know, because the only person you’re marrying in this life is me.”

“Are we understood, Honeysuckle?”

“I was left by you.” It’s those words that make my eyes sting. I can’t hold his gaze, so I look down at my lap. “I’m sorry.” “I’m not asking you to be sorry. I just…” He sighs. “I’m terrified. I’m fucking terrified, Darby.” The road is straight, narrow, and empty, so I reach out and pull one of his hands off the wheel, wrapping it in my own. “I’ve never been enough to make someone stay before. I think that might be why I’ve fought so hard to be successful, to make money, to have a name. I’ve been fighting to be enough for someone.” His voice cracks. “To be enough for you.” I crack open, too, tears cascading down my face. “You’ve always been enough for me.” “You left. You left me.” A strangled sob wrangles itself out of my throat. I’m not able to make words happen yet, so I just tighten my palm around his fingers four times. “The possibility of having you has always been worth the risk of losing you. I didn’t

think twice before booking that flight to Kansas when I got your letter. Not just because you needed me or because the thought of you being married to someone else makes me sick, but because I knew seeing you again would lead to possibility, and that was worth the fear of losing you again.” He inhales a shaky breath. “But I can’t wake up one morning and just find you gone. I can’t watch you disappear into thin air, into nothing. I can’t spend another decade wondering if I’d made everything up in my head. I can’t let myself believe that I have you, only to end up in a reality where I don’t.”

“I’m not giving you any ultimatums. I’ll hold onto you as long as you let me. But if you’re going to leave again, I just…” He licks his lip, ocean eyes bright with tears. “Give me the opportunity to walk away.” I close my eyes, my body trembling with every breath I take. “I don’t want to go anywhere, Leo. I don’t want to leave you. I never wanted to leave you. If you believe nothing else that comes from my mouth, please believe that.” He reaches over the seat, pulling his hand from mine and cupping my cheek. His eyes flash back and forth between mine, as if willing me to keep speaking. “But you’re right. You deserve the opportunity to walk away. You deserve the whole story. The whole truth. In the end, it’ll be you who needs to decide if you want to stay with me.”

“Your first mistake is assuming I give one iota of a fuck about my career.” That sentence has me pausing. “The only thing I care about is your daughter. Ruin my name and my reputation, I don’t give a shit. I’ll retire tomorrow if it means protecting her from you.” Leo’s jaw tightens as his hand shakes at his side. “Your daughter is not ruined. She is kind, smart, resilient, and strong. She’s fucking incredible,” he spits into the phone. “The only person who’s ever tried ruining her is you, and you’ve failed every goddamn time. Every time you’ve pushed her down, she’s gotten back up. She’s figured out how to escape you, and she’s going to be a better person for it.” He pauses, letting out a rough laugh. “I’ll spend the rest of my fucking life making sure you don’t ever hurt her again.

“So, know this: I am not afraid of you. Throw whatever you want at me—at us—but she’s not a piece of property, and she does not belong to you. She’s a human being, and

she’s the love of my life. I’ll do whatever I have to do ...

“I love you,” I whisper.

“I’m in love with you, Leo Graham.”

“The most beautiful sentence I’ve ever heard, coming from the most beautiful mouth of the most beautiful girl I’ve ever known.” He smiles, tugging my lip down with his thumb. “I’m just checking to make sure this is real life.” Tears fall in heavy streams down my face, but I keep my voice steady. “It’s real. We’re real. And I love you.”

“I love you, too, Honeysuckle. With every single shard of my broken soul.”

“I didn’t come back because my father couldn’t know about you, Leo. That was how I protected you, by keeping you away from that world, locked inside me. He would’ve destroyed you. Destroyed us.” Her jaw tenses. “Just like he’s going to try to do now.”

“I’m not going to let him touch us, Honeysuckle.” She turns her head, wrestling herself from my grip, her face falling into her hands as if she can’t bear to look at me. Reluctantly, I let her go. “Why did you let a decade go by? Why didn’t you come back when you were eighteen? Or just even call me? Send a text? Respond to my⁠—?” She turns to face me, harsh devastation on her face. “Because losing you was my punishment, Leo.” “Punishment for what?”

“I’m in love with you, Leo.” I see his face flare with surprise, and I see his eyes explode with color and longing. Still, he only smiles at me softly and tightens his hold on my thigh. “I’ve always been in love with you. I never fell out of it, never stopped. Not for one moment.” I feel my chest tightening as my heart pounds against it, begging to be set free. “Being with you again…it feels like my heart hasn’t been beating, not since the moment I walked away from you. And now, I feel like it’s bleeding out for you, flooding through me stronger and harder than I ever could’ve imagined at seventeen.”

“You’re my ‘it for me’ person. You were my first love. Then, the one who got away. Now, you’re my ‘it was always you.’ And it doesn’t matter what happened in between, because you’re gonna be my forever person too.” He cups my face, bringing his mouth to mine. “You’re my once-in-a-lifetime kind of love, Darby.”