Worst Wingman Ever

by Abby Jimenez

There’s lots of good men at hardware stores,” Grandma said. “Stay away from the garden and paint sections,” Jillian said. “The men over there are gay or married. Stay out of the lumber section too. Real carpenters have timber delivered on-site; you won’t find anyone in the lumber section who knows what to do with their wood.”

“You want the guys buying the red tools,” she said, making eye contact with each of us. “Red tools are a green flag.” “Why red?” Mom asked, drying a bowl with a rag. “Those are the expensive, professional ones.” She propped her foot on the edge of Grandma’s bed and did a hamstring stretch. “You could make an exception for a guy with yellow tools if he’s cute enough. But never green. Ever.”