Worst Wingman Ever

by Abby Jimenez

never committed to anyone, which seemed to make the male frenzy over her worse.

I was always really good at compartmentalizing what I did for a living. I think that was part of my gift. I had the compassion that the duties required, but also the ability to leave it behind the moment I stepped out the door. Now when I left my assignment, I got in my car and cried. Because my assignment was to watch my grandmother die.

What I wanted was more time.

Time is such a precious thing. How you spend it, how you waste it. And it becomes even more valuable as the hourglass runs out, because you will never get more of it. I see it every day. The panic as the last grains of sand fall.

He also stole my neti pot, which for some reason pissed me off more than the cheating. He does not deserve clear sinuses.

“We’re not gonna cry over some medium-ugly man with a receding hairline who left a four-in-one shampoo in your shower.

“You want the guys buying the red tools,” she said, making eye contact with each of us. “Red tools are a green flag.” “Why red?” Mom asked, drying a bowl with a rag. “Those are the expensive, professional ones.” She propped her foot on the edge of Grandma’s bed and did a hamstring stretch. “You could make an exception for a guy with yellow tools if he’s cute enough. But never green. Ever.” “No green,” I said, smacking her foot off the comforter. “Got it.” Mom was shaking her head. “Where did you learn all this?” “I drink iced coffee and I know things.”

Because my self-esteem is shattered? Because I’m not ready to trust someone yet? Because my heart is about to be broken in a way I’ve never known, and there isn’t room for more?

The cheating says so much more about him than you.

What the hell was wrong with people? Who could do something like that, abandon a living creature to die?

“Did you know that it’s not ‘hard as hell’?” she said. “It’s hard as hail.”

“You know what I wish I would have done?” she asked. “What?” “Had sex with strangers.”

That’s the thing about kindness. You never know how big the ripple is. How one little selfless gesture can make all the difference for the person who receives it.

knew instantly that I’d made a mistake. She was way too excited.

No, the whole point in me telling you this story is to remind you that we need to manifest our own destiny. I never accepted less than what I deserved ever again. Never ignored a red flag or excused bad behavior. I asked for what I wanted, and I protected those I loved, and I demanded the things I needed, and I had a beautiful life.

“Take responsibility for your own unhappiness, Holly. If you don’t love your life, change it.”

“You’re gonna have so many people waiting for you in heaven one day, beautiful girl,” she said quietly. “I’ll be the first one in line.”

“Take responsibility for your own unhappiness. If you don’t love your life, change it.”

“Imagine having to kill a guy named Chip,” she whispered. “That would piss me off. Like, you’re gonna have a stupid name and be an asshole? Pick a struggle.”