The Ex Vows

by Jessica Joyce

Years later Eli will tell me that he fell in love with me right then, and in this movie-like memory I always see it—how we can’t quite break eye contact, the flush along the shell of his ear when I sit next to him on the couch minutes later, the way his eyes linger on me when Adam and I bicker over control of the TV, the steady bounce of his knee. The beautiful, shy smile he gives me over the pizza we have for dinner later. He’ll hold on to it for years, but eventually that spark will become a wildfire. And then we’ll burn it all down.

Sometimes I swear adulthood is staring at your phone and wondering which of your friends has enough time to deal with your latest emotional meltdown, then realizing none of them do.

My heart falls out of my chest. “I—because I’d just gotten cheated on.” “I’m not convinced you even liked that asshole. Plus, his name was Julian. You know my theory on J names.”

In reality, I lay in bed for hours, my roaring thoughts too loud for New Girl to drown out, replaying every moment between me and Eli.

Love that new girl is the comfort show of choice !!

It’s a gift to know someone when you’re in love with them, and a curse when you’re out of it.

He’s leaning an obscenely broad shoulder against the doorframe, one hand in his pocket, the other holding his phone.

He likes to lean a lot lol

He lets out a breath. “I said, I quit my job.”

Could've Called that

Will their kid know me, or will some friend who lives down the street with a similarly tiny potato person become the godparent?

I raise an eyebrow. “Keeping tabs on me?” “Always,” he says with a grin that fades quickly.

that. I should be okay on my own, but I can’t help searching for that feeling of belonging. It’s so hard for me to find my place—when I do, maybe I hold on too hard, but it’s only because I know what it’s like to lose it.

My body remembers everything that happened here, and wants everything that didn’t.

Maybe it’s just like going back to visit a home that isn’t yours anymore. Maybe you don’t have the key, but someone lets you in anyway, and you stay awhile, and it feels so good just to be somewhere you once belonged.

“Will you give me your mouth now?”

Huh??

“I don’t want to feel the bad things anymore, Jamie, and talking about everything we did wrong will hurt and be pointless.

Juvenile Language

I wish everyone would leave so I could wrap myself around him. We faked it for five years, but after twelve hours, I’m over it.