The Ex Vows

by Jessica Joyce

“That job came first at a time when it shouldn’t have, and I paid the price for it.” A fissure cracks my heart before I can stop it. He’s not talking about us, but in another life, that sentiment would fit perfectly. A puzzle piece we’ve been missing for years. If we were talking about us. God, now we really have to get out of this. “Does Adam know?” Something flashes in his eyes—that disappointment again, maybe. “You’re the only person I’ve told, other than my family. I’ll tell him once they’re back from the honeymoon.” I nod, then say softly, “Wow. You really blew up your life.” Our gazes catch and hold. I feel so many things—confusion wondering why now and not five years ago, sadness knowing the answer would likely devastate me, fear and pride and such an intense, unwelcome wanting—and I hope he doesn’t see any of that. I hope he sees a Georgia who’s surprised but unruffled by this news. Who’s unruffled by him in her bed at three in the morning on a Tuesday, in the place where we started to tip into love years ago. After an unbearable beat, he looks down, his ears turning pink. “Belatedly. But yeah, I did.”