The Ex Vows

by Jessica Joyce

“Because I care about you.” It’s such a weak version of my actual feelings, only enough to release the barest pressure in my chest. “Because I wanted you to have a second chance so you can stop trying so hard to prove yourself. Because you’re good enough, even after you fall short.”

“Make it messy,” he murmurs finally, and I hear what he’s really saying: make it real. The two things can’t exist without the other right now,

Instead I wrote, Wouldn’t mind one, though. His response was immediate, like he’d been waiting for me. Is that your birthday wish? Yes. My thumbs skimmed over the letters, not quite touching. Can’t be a wish until the candle’s in my face, Mora, I finally replied. Noted, is all he wrote back, and my heart hasn’t settled since.

It’s a privilege to have someone trust you enough to show you those pieces of themselves, the most vulnerable and tender, the least polished. It’s a show of trust to let you see them first thing in the morning, in the middle of a panic attack, right after they’ve cried. To give you a shaky smile after a messy fight. To come back to you again and again with their heart in their hands.