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My neglected libido tumbled out of hibernation like a hungry bear rolling out of her cave, dried leaves shaking off with each roll, until she splashed headfirst into a lake that smelled of man.
Leaning down, I carefully stick the newest Post-it on top of the last one, adding it to my little stack of yellow paper squares. One for every delivery from the girl next door.
On one side of the room, the gray couch faces a subpar TV mounted above a fireplace she never turns on because someone—me—keeps disabling the gas line because someone—her—has left it on unattended one too many times.
“Christ, Hans. You can’t just Goldilocks this girl and expect a happily ever after.”
Hans, my neighbor, stealer of breath and nudie books, pulls out of his driveway.
You don’t bring knives to a gunfight without a little planning.
Plus—I grin—shooting a man and having him not react is kind of scary.
Which is good, because if I witnessed her getting into the back of a stranger’s car, I’d have my sniper rifle out and aimed at the back of the driver’s head before you could say psychotic.
“Watch the attitude, Girl.” I give the command quietly, but there’s no mistaking my tone.
“I’ve never punched a geriatric, but I’m not strictly against it.”
“When are you gonna learn that there are consequences for being a brat?” His voice on my neck causes my skin to prickle. “Hopefully right now.”
“You’re like Batman,”
“That was a selling feature. But my plan was to actually buy all three houses on the street and live in undisturbed peace. But then the old lady across the street kicked the bucket while I was out of the country killing some people, and when I came home, a pretty little distraction had bought the house before I even knew what happened.”
Cassandra gasps. “Did you just blow up my house?”
I wonder if she’s gonna be mad at me for burning down her house. I hate the idea of her being mad at me.
“I’m proud of you for sharing your cookies tonight.”
Nero claims it’s just because Hans is our neighbor, so it’s convenient to see him, but really, those two are a pair of peas in an unhinged pod.

