Feeling Good: Overcome Depression and Anxiety with Proven Techniques

by David D. Burns

Recognize that there is only one way you can lose a sense of self-worth—by persecuting yourself with unreasonable, illogical negative thoughts. Self-esteem can be defined as the state that exists when you are not arbitrarily haranguing and abusing yourself but choose to fight back against those automatic thoughts with meaningful rational responses. When you do this effectively, you will experience a natural sense of jubilation and self-endorsement. Essentially, you don’t have to get the river flowing, you just have to avoid damming it. Since only distortion can rob you of self-esteem, this means that nothing in “reality” can take away your sense of worth. As evidence for this, many individuals under conditions of extreme and realistic deprivation do not experience a loss of self-esteem. Indeed, some individuals who were imprisoned by the Nazis during World War II refused to belittle themselves or buy into the persecutions of their captors. They reported an actual enhancement of self-esteem in spite of the miseries they were subjected to, and in some cases described experiences of spiritual awakening.

Self-esteem can be viewed as your decision to treat yourself like a beloved friend. Imagine that some VIP you respect came unexpectedly to visit you one day. How might you treat that person? You would wear your best clothes and offer your finest wine and food, and you would do everything you could to make him feel comfortable and pleased with his visit. You would be sure to let him know how highly you valued him, and how honored you were that he chose to spend some time with you. Now—why not treat yourself like that? Do it all the time if you can! After all, in the final analysis, no matter how impressed you are with your favorite VIP, you are more important to you than he is. So why not treat yourself at least as well? Would you insult and harangue such a guest with vicious, distorted put-downs? Would you peck away at his weaknesses and imperfections? Then why do this to yourself? Your self-torment becomes pretty silly when you look at it this way. Do you have to earn the right to treat yourself in this loving, caring way? No, this attitude of self-esteem will be an assertion that you make, based on a full awareness and acceptance of your strengths and imperfections. You will fully acknowledge your positive attributes without false humility or a sense of superiority, and will freely admit to all your errors and inadequacies without any sense of inferiority or self-depreciation whatever. This attitude embodies the essence of self-love and self-respect. It does not have to ...

Why It’s Great to Be Able to Make Mistakes 1. I fear making mistakes because I see everything in absolutist, perfectionistic terms—one mistake and the whole is ruined. This is erroneous. A small mistake certainly doesn’t ruin an otherwise fine whole. 2. It’s good to make mistakes because then we learn—in fact, we won’t learn unless we make mistakes. No one can avoid making mistakes—and since it’s going to happen in any case, we may as well accept it and learn from it. 3. Recognizing our mistakes helps us to adjust our behavior so that we can get results we’re more pleased with—so we might say that mistakes ultimately operate to make us happier and make things better. 4. If we fear making mistakes, we become paralyzed—we’re afraid to do or try anything, since we might (in fact, probably will) make some mistakes. If we restrict our activities so that we won’t make mistakes, then we are really defeating ourselves. The more we try and the more mistakes we make, the faster we’ll learn and the happier we’ll be ultimately. 5. Most people aren’t going to be mad at us or dislike us because we make mistakes—they all make mistakes, and most people feel uncomfortable around “perfect” people. 6. We don’t die if we make mistakes.

You Are Wrong in Your Belief That Suicide Is the Only Solution or the Best Solution to Your Problem. Let me repeat that. You Are Wrong! When you think that you are trapped and hopeless, your thinking is illogical, distorted, and skewed. No matter how thoroughly you have convinced yourself, and even if you get other people to agree with you, you are just plain mistaken in your belief that it is ever advisable to commit suicide because of depressive illness.

If you are suicidal, it is of great importance for you to evaluate these impulses in a matter-of-fact manner, using your common sense. The following factors put you in a high-risk group: 1. If you are severely depressed and feel hopeless; 2. If you have a past history of suicide attempts; 3. If you have made concrete plans and preparations for suicide; and 4. If no deterrents are holding you back. If one or more of these factors apply to you, then it is vital to get professional intervention and treatment immediately. While I firmly believe that the attitude of self-help is important for all people with depression, you clearly must seek professional guidance right away.

Ever since the time of the French philosopher, René Descartes, scholars have been puzzled by the “mind-body problem.” This is the idea that as human beings we have at least two separate levels of existence—our minds and our bodies. Our minds consist of our thoughts and our feelings, which are invisible or ethereal. We know they are there because we can experience them, but we do not know why or how they exist. In contrast, our bodies consist of tissue—blood, bones, muscle, fat, and so forth. The tissue ultimately consists of molecules, and the molecules are ultimately made up of atoms. These building blocks are inert—presumably, atoms have no consciousness. So how can the inert tissue in our brains give rise to our conscious minds, which can see, feel, hear, love, and hate? According to Descartes, our minds and bodies must be connected in some manner. Descartes called the portion of the brain that links these two separate entities the “seat of the soul.” For centuries, philosophers have tried to locate the “seat of the soul.” In the modern era, neuroscientists continue this search as they attempt to figure out how our brains create emotions and conscious thoughts. The belief that our minds and bodies are separate is reflected in our treatments for problems such as depression. We have biological treatments, which work on the “body,” and psychological treatments, which work on the “mind.” Biological treatments usually involve medications, and psychological treatments usually...