Feeling Good: Overcome Depression and Anxiety with Proven Techniques

by David D. Burns

In many cases you will be just plain wrong, and the critic will be right. In such a situation your critic’s respect for you will probably increase by an orbital jump if you assertively agree with the criticism, thank the person for providing you with the information, and apologize for any hurt you might have caused. It sounds like old-fashioned common sense (and it is), but it can be amazingly effective. By now you may be saying, “But don’t I have a right to defend myself when someone criticizes me? Why should I always have to empathize with the other person? After all, he may be the ninny, not I. Isn’t it human just to get angry and blow your stack? Why should I always have to smooth things out?” Well, there is considerable truth in what you say. You do have the right to defend yourself vigorously from criticism and to get angry at anyone you choose whenever you like. And you are right on target when you point out that it is often your critic, and not you, whose thinking is fouled up. And there is more than a grain of truth behind the slogan “Better mad than sad.” After all, if you’re going to conclude that someone is “no damn good,” why not let it be the other fellow? And furthermore, sometimes it does feel so much better to be mad at the other person. Many psychotherapists would agree with you on this point. Freud felt that depression was “anger turned inward.” In other words he believed depressed individuals direct their rage against themselves. In keeping with this vi...