Feeling Good: Overcome Depression and Anxiety with Proven Techniques

by David D. Burns

3. Learn to Stick to Your Guns. One of the big disadvantages of being guilt-prone is that others can and will use this guilt to manipulate you. If you feel obligated to please everyone, your family and friends will be able to coerce you effectively into doing many things that may not be in your best self-interest. To cite a trivial example, how many social invitations have you halfheartedly accepted so as not to hurt someone’s feelings? In this case the price you pay for saying yes when you really would have preferred to say no is not great. You only end up wasting one evening. And there is a payoff. You will avoid feeling guilty, and you can fantasize that you are an especially nice person. Furthermore, if you try to decline the invitation, the disappointed host may say, “But we are expecting you. Do you mean you are going to let the old gang down? Aw, come on.” And then what would you say? How would you feel?