Feeling Good: Overcome Depression and Anxiety with Proven Techniques

by David D. Burns

Any time you feel shoved, whether by someone’s hand actually on your chest or by someone trying to boss you around, you will naturally tighten up and resist so as to maintain your equilibrium and balance. You will attempt to exert your self-control and preserve your dignity by refusing to do the thing that you are being pushed to do. The paradox is that you often end up hurting yourself. It can be very confusing when someone obnoxiously insists you do something that actually would be to your advantage. This puts you in a “can’t win” situation because if you refuse to do what the person tells you, you end up defeating yourself just in order to spite him or her. In contrast, if you do what the person tells you to do, you feel bad. Because you gave in to those pushy demands, you get the feeling the individual controlled you, and this robs you of self-respect. No one likes to be coerced.