I Hope This Doesn't Find You (eBook)

by Ann Liang

can’t imagine spending even more time with him. I don’t think I’ll be able to without losing my sanity or leaving his body in a ditch.

“And he’s always going on about how intimidatingly smart you are. How hard he has to work to keep up with you.”

Because I was lying to myself before. Julius isn’t just a boy. He’s my enemy. My equal. My point of comparison. He’s the one I’m constantly trying to outrun, to outsmart, to impress. He’s the ever-moving target in my peripheral vision, the person I’ve mapped all my plans around, the start and finish line and everything in between. All my dreams and nightmares are about him and only him.

And just like that, the silence is back, a heavy curtain falling between us. It lasts for the rest of the class, then the rest of the day, then the rest of the week. Funny how quickly my definition of torture can change.

“She’s smart, okay? She’s a formidable force. She does everything she sets her mind to and nothing can stand in her way. Not even me.”

There were only two possible explanations for why you were acting the way you were, and the other seemed too unlikely. And I was—scared.” “Scared?”

“You have to understand . . . If you knew the effect you had on me, how often I think about you, the things I would do for you . . . I wouldn’t stand a chance against you ever again. You would have taken everything from me,”

but my whole heart. My pride. God, my sanity. It would be all over. You would annihilate me.”

You did this to me,” he says, and there’s a rough, bitter edge to his voice now, nearly an accusation.

I want you to hold me like a grudge, keep me like a promise, haunt me like a ghost.

You have to observe them, learn their weaknesses, memorize their every word, track their progress, predict their next move. For ten years I thought I was preparing to destroy you, when really I was preparing to love you.