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I can still see her, that Margo, floating back to her purple Honda Civic, so numb inside, almost shell-shocked. She wasn’t sure what she should do next. Bodhi had miraculously fallen asleep, so she went to the Arby’s drive-through, ordered two Classic Beef ’n Cheddar sandwiches, and ate them both in the car while he slept. As the fat hit her bloodstream, she realized she was extremely happy. She had $15,000. Yes, she felt gross and degraded, but she had done it. She’d saved them. I like getting to be the me now watching the past me. It’s almost a way of loving myself. Stroking the cheek of
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“Shyanne mentioned that you might be in the market for a roommate, and I badly need a place to live, but if we’re going to be living together, I want to be honest with you even if that causes you to think less of me.”
“‘Act as if,’ they say in NA,” Jinx said. “Fake it till you make it. But it’s okay to say no, Margo. I understand if you don’t want me here. I should have come to write a check and see the baby. Or not write a check and see the baby.” Jinx was now sad in a way that alarmed Margo. His cheeks were trembling or twitching, and his eyes looked wild.
“I’m not sure an antidepressant would help,” Jinx said. “I think my problem is more of a fundamental failure to attach to other people. I’m not sure that, without love, Zoloft could really do much for me.”
“Two aimless sailboats lost in the harbor.”
I want you to understand, especially if I am living here, that I know you are not a car.
“That’s just the internet,” Jinx said, “a disgusting place, really. This is kind of like trying to have a nice dinner party in hell. Certain things you’re just going to have to put up with.
And figs. Fuck figs.
